The amazing bus ride

 After a while, I felt like writing something. This was mostly because I got some free time today. I am not well and took a leave from the office. I was all alone in pg and how long I could have used my phone so i thought of writing something. 

I have had 102 fever since this morning and I was using my phone as it was the only convenient option. While scrolling my phone I saw my gmail account was out of storage. I tried cleaning some space but whatsapp backup took most of it, so I thought about deleting the chats of the people I am not in contact with anymore. I was scrolling down my whatsapp chat and suddenly I saw the name Osh and I stopped there.  This name took me to a flashback of a very good old memory that I had when I was studying. 

I have never been in a romantic relationship mostly because of my own insecurities. I always used to think that people could not love me or admire me, they would only make fun of me. No one can ever like me for what I am. So even if someone approaches me, I used to run away from them. But you know what it is not always about liking someone romantically or finding someone attractive. Sometimes you meet people randomly and they just click. I do not know what you call that feeling but I know it is amazing whatever it is. Something similar happened to me in 2016.

 I was in my first year of M.E. in one of the renowned colleges of chandigarh. It used to take me 5.5 to 6 hours to reach my hometown from Chandigarh by bus. I used to travel back home every friday evening and come back on monday morning. This was my first time away from my home. The other reason was my dad, he used to call me and ask me to come home and i never knew how to say no to him. I also understand their situation as my brother was already staying away from home and now I was also staying outside my hometown so they used to feel lonely. This was my sole motivation to do so. I used to pack almost all my clothes every time I went home. I have no explanation but that is how I was. 

I was very specific about my travel, I used to always take haryana roadways and not only that, I used to sit on the window seat just behind the driver`s seat. Haryana roadways are best and fastest plus the window makes the journey much better and behind the driver`s seat there is enough room for the trolley and my leg. 

One of the Fridays I was getting late to board the bus so I randomly kept my clothes in the trolley and rushed towards the bus stop.That day a guy was sitting on that seat. I was disappointed, so instead of asking him to move, I thought of asking a girl sitting in the next row. So the next row does not have enough leg room so I thought I would sit on the aisle side and hold my trolley. So i asked that girl to move inside but she denied. I got angry but later I thanked her in my mind because if she would have given me that seat this all would have never happened. 

Now I decided and finally asked that guy to give me the window seat and he was very polite and humble, he not only gave me his seat but also handled my trolley bag. Now I was sitting on my favourite seat and as usual I slept. But I woke up after 45 mins which never happens to me. I have a cold and I do not have any handkerchief or towel to wipe it. I had a towel in my trolley but it was not in my vicinity. I was skeptical to ask him as if I asked him to help me, he would have seen all my innerwears as they were the ones I packed at last, so I somehow managed. I was not feeling sleepy anymore. After some time I took out my laptop from my laptop bag and started making a ppt. I do not know why, why I was doing so. I never use my laptop on the way and I was making ppt for something which is not even required. God knows why I act so stupid sometimes but this stupidity has been useful many times. This time also it helped in starting the conversation. 

I was typing the title of the ppt, BIOFUELS and was thinking about what to do next. Suddenly a voice from my left side came, 'u should not use your laptop as u are sitting on the window seat and it will get dirty'. I was not expecting any conversation but then i replied in the most cliched way, 'are u a software engineer'? To which he replied, "Yes, I work at Amazon'. Hmmm and then I kept my laptop in my bag and started looking out of the window. I was thinking of asking his name out of curiosity but then I resisted and kept looking out of the window. I just dropped the thought and at that moment only he turned towards me and asked my name. I was surprised and happy at the same time. I felt Wow, does he know how to read minds? There was something happening in my stomach, maybe those were the butterflies that people talked about. I was thinking about it and he asked my name and introduced himself. It might sound very lame but the moment was magical. 

He told me his name is OSH. I was surprised as it was a weird name and I asked him ‘ye kaisa naam hua'? He told, his dad is a big fan of the great philosopher Osho and hence he named him osh. I used to be dumb back then and mostly not aware of most of such stuff. But you know what, I never felt ashamed admitting it. So I told him I am not aware of who Osho is but I will read about him for sure.  

The conversation was in bits and pieces initially. After every small talk, I turned my face towards the window. I turned my face towards the window. Now I was more curious and wanted to know more about him. My mind was constantly asking me to ask him, What does he do?  But I never wanted to sound desperate and leading the conversation was a sign of desperation back then, so I was a bit hesitant. But something else was planned and he asked me the same question, what do u do? Again, seriously, more butterflies, hahahaha, am I dreaming or is it really happening? I told him that I am a post-grad student. To which he replied that, 'you already know i am working with amazon in bangalore'. I asked him but then why chandigarh, he said he was getting a cheaper flight for chandigarh and now going to his hometown.

 This time the conversation went a bit longer and then again I turned to the window. I was feeling happy and my mood was uplifted. Whatever was happening was new to me and was pleasant as well. I was hesitant but happy. I guess he also sensed the same. To continue he said, 'can we talk’? He further added that, ' it was a long flight and i have not talked to anyone since morning’. This statement was quite welcoming and sufficient enough to remove my hesitation and then we started talking. 

Hesitation was gone. I was comfortable enough to ask him for help. It was the most appropriate time to ask him for the trolley. I was tired of hiding my runny nose and wiping it out with my hands or the corner of my top. So instead of being untidy, I decided to ask him to hand over my trolley bag. He helped me.Now i was very very comfortable and was ready for really long conversations. 

We talked about a lot of things. I remember us discussing my anger issues, his drinking problem. He saw the screen of my phone and sensed that I have anger issues. I said, ‘You should not be very angry. It is very clear from your phone screen'. I tried convincing him that I keep dropping my phone here and there and that is the reason behind the broken screen. But he somehow managed to convince me that it was only my anger. He showed me his one olus phone,and suggested that I buy a similar one. 

When I asked him, what does he do on weekends? He told me that he drinks and goes out with friends for a party. At that time I was not aware of this world of drinking and partying and I used to think that it is a bad habit to drink and smoke. I used to stay away from the people who used to do that. I even showed my disappointment to his drinking and clubbing. We were literally discussing it as if my opinion mattered and he was convincing me that he does it very occasionally. It was weird and different. It was 3.5 hours since we were talking, actually not talking, now we were teasing each other, discussing different topics and even fighting as if we were very close friends and have known each other since ages. 

I do not know about him but i did not realise anything. I was totally unaware of my surroundings and a small pause brought me back to the real world. This time I realised we were still on the bus. When we started talking, there were a bunch of people but now it is fully loaded and all of them are looking at us because we were laughing, smiling, talking loudly. I guess other than me, him, the other girl, bus driver and conductor, no one knew that this was our first meeting or our first conversation. 

Again I turned my head towards the window but this time I was not curious but satisfied. I  felt nice as if my heart had a very nice and large meal. It felt like an achievement as I felt more confident now. The conversations were aimless and flawless. It made me feel special and gave me courage to think good about myself. Isn't it amazing, i never thought of it when i was starting from chandigarh but it was literally magical in its own way. 

He offered me a dairy milk silk (bigger one). So people who know me, know how much I love chocolates. It is really very hard for me to say no to chocolates and I think i have never done it ever till now. My heart was pounding and craving for the chocolate. It felt like I should grab it as soon as possible. PS: I do not buy, do not share and do not give chocolates. My heart was full of tears and my eyes were glittering but I did not know what to say and how to react so the easiest way was saying no. Yes I said no to the choclate and the reason I gave was very lame. I was not able to think of anything in such a short time. There were so many thoughts all together, it was hard to process so I made up a reason that I have a cold and I cannot have chocolate if I have a cold. After saying it sounded so lame in my mind and again he sensed it and asked the same question, ‘What is the relation between chocolate and cold’? He insisted also by saying that he got it free from his office. But I was adamant and stupid and I said no to it. 

God, how can I do it, how can I say no to a chocolate. There are only two scenarios in my life where I regret not taking the chocolate. One when I went to give the neet exam. I bought a chocolate but the examiner took it away from me and said that u can have it after the exam. I forgot to take it back. The second time is saying no to Osh. I am not obsessed with chocolates but I love them. I love them a lot. 

My stop came. I was supposed to get down and he also accompanied me as it was the last stop. He helped me in taking my luggage down as well. I was happy and my heart was full of joy. It was my time to show some courage and ask for his contact number. But again hesitated. I was hoping for the same scenario that happened before. He will read mind and he himself will ask for it but he did not. We shook hands and the moment he was about to say something, I saw my dad waiting for me.I did not want him to see both of us together. So I started walking towards my dad. 

 

I was happy, very very happy. Whenever I am this happy I want to share it with people. I was waiting to go back to college and tell my friends about it. But I feel I should have asked him for his number. Sadly, it did not happen. But this is not the end. I went back to college and told my friends about this beautiful incident in detail. They were also happy and excited but they were taking it in a romantic way. I was not, They started teasing me but i was content as i was not expecting anything. 

Facebook was very popular back then and was the most used social media platform. I thought of searching for him and guess what i found him. It was not very difficult as there were only 2 people with that name. One was him and the other one to my surprise was his sister (Osha). I was thinking of sending him a request but I did not. I never knew why I kept resisting myself. Maybe because of fear, insecurities. A friend of mine suggested that I send the request as it is not a very big thing. I still remember her exact words. 'Sometimes u meet people, you click and then you become friends, there is nothing wrong in it.’ I sent him the request and guessed what he would accept within 10 minutes as if he was also waiting for me to send him the request. We talked once or twice, exchanged our numbers as well. But we hardly connected over the phone. 

This was one of the best memories I have so far. I do not want to forget it ever. I was not expecting anything or was not attracted to him but you know sometimes you meet people randomly. One small conversation, one meeting or just a call gives you some of the best memories of your life. It was one of them. Last year, I texted him and got to know that I was not only one who remembers the incident but he also does. So I think it was magical for both of us. 

No comeback for this comeback

Ladai kis bhai behen m nhi hoti, sab m hoti hai, humare beech bhi hoti h, bas fark itna hai ki humare beech thodi jyada hoti h. Alag hi level, aise jaise ek dusre ko galat prove krana har bari kafi jaruri ho. Har bari ek aisa comment jiska samne wale k pass koi jawab na ho. Kabhi kabhi aisa lagta hai ki jaise ek dusre ko tiyar kar rhe ho verbal jung k liye. Ohh god!! sochne p hi thak jati hu mai, par ladna hota hai to pta nhi kha se energy aa jati h.

Aisa hi ek incident hua jisme achanak se ladte ladte maine bhai ko bola, acha hota ki tu uss raat humko milta hi nahi, humko tujhe bardast nhi karna padta. I swear mujhko pta bhi nhi ki ye thought mere dimag m kha se aa gya (chal jhuti). I was also very surprised, thoda guilt ho rha tha par ek taraf apne apko praise bhi kar rahi thi. Khud ko bol rhi thi, "bhai sahab kya point mara h, iska come back to ho hi nhi sakta". Comeback to nahi mila par sab kho gaye uss incident ki yaado m. 

To baat kuch uss jamane ki hai jab m 1st class m hua karti thi, yani januray 2000 k as pass ki (kafi budhi ho gyi ho) aur hamara dulara bhai kuch 4 ya 5 saal ke. Abhi to ye janab itne shaitan h par bachpan m iska ekdum opposite, ekdum massom, itna masoo ki mujhko didi bolta tha, can u imagine (i know). To mahashaye itne seedhe the ki agar unse unke ghar walo ka naam, pata puchta to unke pass koi jawab nahi tha. Aur ye hi wajah thi jo iss incident to hum sabke k liye thoda darawna bna deti hai. 

 

Humne naya ghar liya tha, ye ghar humara school k bohot pass aur purane ghar se kafi dur tha. Naya ghar tha to residential area m, par thoda dur chalne par ekdum akela aur sunsaan area aa jata h, jha par din m to theek h par raat m to dur dur tak koi aata jata nahi tha, upar se sardiyoon ka time. 

Kyuki abhi grah pravesh nahi hua tha to hum log naye ghar m shift nahi hue the par kabhi kabhi mummy papa aakar ghar ki safai ya fir dekh bhal kar jate the. Ek din mummy ko pta nahi kya shauk chada, wo hamari house help ko boli ki chalo aaj uss ghar chalkte h aur wha ache se safai karke aate hai. Wo aunty bhi maan gaye par bole ki mere sath meri grand daughter bhi chalegi. Ab baat kafi purani hai to grand daughter ka naam nahi yaad mujhko, so let's assume it to be X, (ha kisi ki X to hogi hi). To ab mummy, aunty, m, mera bhai and X din m naye ghar gaye. Wha jaa kar mummy logo n jaam kar safai ki, aur hum logo n bhot masti. Itna mehnat kiya ki time ka pta hi nahi chala. Ab 8 baj chuke the aur kafi andhera ho chuka tha. Upar se papa ko bhi nahi pta tha ki hum naye ghar aaye hue h, to wo bhi tensed honge. Ye soch kar mummy aur aunty n decide ki ab sara saman yaha chod kar hume wapis jana chahiye. 

Sab ricksha ka wait kar rahe the, aur dur dur tak koi ricksjaw nahi thi. Ohh sorry ! maine btaya nahi na, hum din m rickshaw m aaye the (baniya u know). Ab itna time ho chuka tha ki ab koi ab kisi tarah rickshaw mil jaye aur hum ghar chale jaye. Itne me mummy ko ek rickshaw dikha aur hum sab uss rickshaw par load ho gaye. Din k time to aram se rickshaw mil gya tha to 2 rickshaw m aa gaye the par abhi k halat dekh kar ek mil gaya ussi ki khushi thi sabko. 

Uss rikshaw m hmara sitting arrangment kuch iss tarah ka tha ki mummy aur aunty being bade log aage baithe the, X aur m left and right side p face karke aur mera bhai middle m in the backside of rickshaw. To ab hum thodi dur tak aa chuke the and we entered that sunsan area. Par hum bache the, humko kya fark padna tha, hum apni masti m apni apni jagah baithe the. Itne m meri mummy n peeche turn kiya aur dekha ki mera bhai rickshaw m nahi tha, mummy ne chilaya ki "vipin kaha hai" (vipin bhai ka naam hai), mujshe pucha ki vipin kaha gaya, par bcoz hum side face krke baithe the to mujhe koi idea nahi tha. Par uss time daar itna lag raha tha ki jaise maine hi usko gayab kar diya ho. Rickshaw wale n rickshaw roki aur sab apni nazare daudane lage. par kyuki kafi andhera aur kohra tha to dur dur tak kuch dikhai nahi de raha tha. 

Itne m ek bus uss sadak p enter ki, aur uski head light se thoda hi aage ek bacha sadak se utha aur daudne laga. Peeche se full speed m bus aa rahi thi aur uske thodi hi aage wo bacha daud raha tha. Hume samajh nahi aa raha tha ki ho kya raha hai. Itne m hi dikhai diya ki wo bacha aur koi nahi mera bhai tha, vipin, joki bina kuch soche samjhe rickshaw ki taraf daud raha tha. Ye sab kuch with in the fraction of second hua ki samjh nahi aaya ki kya karna hai. Mummy n apnehosh sambhale aur zor se chilai "vipin peeche bus hai, dekh kar, side hoja,". Iss waqt mummy ko vipin ki halat se jyada darr uska bus k samne daudne ka tha. Ho bhi kyu na, itna chota tha wo aur upar se masoom, main road p bus k aage daudne ki training bhi nahi mili thi usko (besharam). Hasshh, par kuch nhi hua, aur wo daud kar mummy ko chipak gaya. 

Hona kya tha, wo ro raha tha aur usko dekh kar mummy aur mummy ko dekh kar m ro rahi thi. Baki sab kafi pareshan the. Kisiko samjh nahi aa raha tha ki bus ka aana ek bane tha ya boon, kyuki agar wo nahi aati to shyd humko vipin nahi dikhta, aur agar wo usko hit kar deti to kuch bachta bhi nahi. Par thank god kuch nahi hua aisa. Rickshaw wale bhaiya apne apko kosne lag gaye ki "tujhko pta tha ki kapda majboot nahi hai fir bhi bache ko peeche bitha diya". Peeche dekha to kapda fatta hua nahi tha par pta nahi wo neeche kaise gir gaya. Humme bi daat sunne ko mili ki bhai ka dhyan nahi rakh sakte the kya. Uss pure raste vipin mummy k gaale lag kar rota raha aur mummy usko gaale laga kar. Uss din k baad vipin kabhi rickshaw k peeche nahi baitha ur na hi usko kisine force kiya. 

Ghar jakar mummy n sari baat papa ko btai aur kafi rone lagi. Kuch dino tak bhi mummy ro padti thi ye soch soch kar ki agar wo peeche mud kar nahi dekhti to shayad pta bhi nahi chalta ki vipin rickshaw m nahi h. Wo itna chota aur shareef tha ki kisko ko apna ghar, parents ka naam bhi nahi bta pata. Aur shayad humko pta bhi nahi chalta ki wo kaha gaya. Kafi time laga sabko uss incident se bahar aane m, especially mummy aur vipin ko. 

Ab kafi chahal pehel rahti h uss ratse p, aur iss ladai k baad jab bhi hum uss ratse se gujarte h to m bhai ko bolti hu, tujhe mummy ki bar bar check karne ki adat n bacha liya warna yai kai bheek mang raha hota aur hume pta bhi nahi chalta ki tu hmara hi h. Aur aaj tak uske pass isska koi comeback nahi hai.

Ye jawani na milegi dubara

Chapter 1

HAhaha, kuch suna suna sa hai na, maine bhi jab suna apne apko bolte hue i was so impressed with myself. Maine apne apko bola: "Waah beta kya baat hai, tu to sachi mein talented nikla, Hahahaha, just ignore me, i keep praising myself (U know khud ki favourute types). Ha to ek din main apni ek friend se baat kar rahi thi aur as usual m naam bhool gayi movie ka aur achanak se maine ye naam bola. Meri frnd bolti "Abey oo, kause nashe m ho, kya bol rahi ho, Par naam acha hai, tabhi socha apne next blog isi naam pe likhungi par kya likhungi ye nahi socha tha, Jaise hum earings le lete hai ye soch k sath ki dress baad m kharid lenge waise hi kuch. 

Aajkal social media bhot boring sa ho gya hai, log kuch bhi likhte hai, kuch bhi post karte hai. Matlab adhi se zyada post same hoti hai aur wo bhi useless bhi. Aisa lagta hai puri duniya velli hai aur bas intazar karti hai ki koi news aaye aur usko bada bna de. Faltu ki behas, hazaro memes aur log bhot affect bhi ho rahe hai. Achanak se ab sabko chull machi hai kedarnath jane ki, sabko nibba aur nibbi k bare m likhna hai chahe khud aisa hi karte ho. Par chalo koi na, kuch na karne se kuch karna hi theek hai. Main to khud weird si ho gayi hu sara din memes dekhti rhti hu, unke screenshots leke status pe dalti rhti hu. Kabhi kabhi apne app se puchti hu, serioulsy?  Ek meme hai jo mujhe bhot fascinate karta hai, wo cool back banchers wala meme, a boy with Black topi, gold chain aur cigarette. Chahe jalani na aati ho, ya peete hue usko sari cigarette gila karde par cool to wai hai. 

Cool ki definition kya hai? pta nahi, i think it varies from person to person plus in same person also, it varies according to the age also. Mujhko yaad hai jab mai school m thi like first ya second class me tab jo bacha sabse fancy pencil box lata tha ya tiffin me maggie lata tha wo cool hota tha, cool kya studdd lga lo. Bande ka swag ki alag, pure tession me, ek class pehle ki khabar phail jati thi ki ye aaj lucnh m maggie laya hai aur fir jaise hi recesss honi aur class k sare bache usko gher k khade ho jate the, have it karle, please have it karle taki sab maggie kha sake. Mujhko 2Rs daily ki pocket money milti thi, aur maggie 5Rs ki,  appan ko bhi cool banna that to uske liye main apne 2.5 days ki pocket money save krke maggie leke jati thi taki sari class mere agee peeche ghume (attention ki bukhi, bachpan se hi ). Fir thode bade hue to class ka sabse cool bacha wai hota tha jo madam se na dare, kabhi padhe na, sare time cheating kare, mast wale perfume laga k aaye bas waisa hi jo aajkal ke memes m dikhate hai, full too barbad insan. 

Mujhko ye nahi samnaj aata ki sare memes me hamesha ek back bencher hota hai jo hamesha ulte jawab deta hai, bande ko class me kya padhaya ja raha hai ya kya chal rha hai uska koi hosh nahi, concepts itne clear ki bas kya hi btau, studd personality, cool u know aur fir wahi banda life me aage jake bada admi banta hai. Plus ek front bencher bhi hoti hai jo mam ki chamchi aur sara din padhne wali ladki jisse pure school ko umeed ho, sir me tel laga ke, choti bana ke, mota sa chshma pehen kar school aane wali jo hamesha mam ko yaad dilaye ki aaaj apne test conduct karna tha aur fir wo baad me house wife ban jati hai (sharma ji ke bete types). cliche u know. Koi beech wale bacho ki baat hi nahi karta, sara tension to unke sir pe hota hai, na to wo chamche ban paate aur na hi cool. Bechare teachers ko to unka naam yaad bhi nahi rahata. Ye wai log hai jo ghar pe sharma ji ke bete ki wajah se daat khate hai aur school me back benchers se bezzati karwate hai. Na to inme cool banne ka jigra hota hai aur na hi top krne ka talent. Waise mujhe personally lagta hai ki padhai se coolness ka koi negative relation nahi hai balki high iq aur smart log jyada cool hote hai. 

Chiraiya

 kya karu aisa ki mere papa mujhse pyar kare, meri izzat kare, kuch samjah nahi aata. Kai bar sochti hu mai ki maine aisa kya kiya hai ki mujhko har baat ki saja milti hai, mere kuch bhi bolne pe kyu itna gussa atta hai unko, kyu meri sidhi si baat bardast nahi hoti. Meri kya galti hai, kya gunah, bachpan se is sawal ka jawab dhund rahi hu, rab jane kab mai samjh paungi ya fir shayad mai samjhana hi nahi chahti. Nahi hota mujhse bardast, nahi sehan kar pati mai, itna gussa bhara hai mere andar iss baat ko leke ki jaise hi wo mere sath kuch karte hai mai chilla padti hu, ulta seedha bolti hu. Sabko meri galti dikhti hai par koi ye nahi sochta ki kaha se aaya itna gussa, kyu isse bardasht nahi hota. Chillane ke baad mai khud ro padti hu aur itna roti hu ki hisab nahi, jo hua uss wajah se nahi par ye soch soch kar ki ek insan kaise apne khud ke bache ke sath aisa kar sakta hai wo bhi sirf iss wajah se ki wo ladki hai. Rone ke baad jab dil halka hota hai to sochti hu kyu hu mai itni ziddi, kyu nahi bardast kar leti, duniya ki har ek ladki karti hai to mere ander wo bardast karne ki shakti kyu nahi aati. Kyu mai ladti hu aur ladne ke chakkar me unse ulta bolti hu, jitni bar bhi samjhau apne apko nahi samjh pati, akhir galti hi kya hai meri. Bahari duniya ko dekhti hu to lagta hai ki kya kuch nahi hota ladkio ke sath duniya me, chalo kam se kam mere sath wo to nahi hua, par fir sochti hu kya sirf atyachar bhot bada ho tabhi atyachar kehelata hai warna nahi, kya sirf physical torture hi torture hai mental nahi. Chota ho ya bada, galat kam to galat hi hai. Chahe unhone mujhko padhya, likhaya aur itna bada kiya par agar wo meri kadar nahi kar sakte to ye galat nahi hai. Mai ye soch kar to chup nahi raha sakti ki baki ladkio ko to ye bhi mauka nahi milta. Agar unko mauka nahi dena galat hai to mauka dene ke bad bekadri karna bhi to galat hai. Bohot log mujhko samjhane ki koshish karte hai hai , mai khud bhi karti hu apne apko samjhane ki par nahi hota, nahi samjh ata ki kyu mere papa mujhse pyar nahi karte aur agar karte hai to dikhane se darte kyu hai, kyu wo itna vishvas mujhpe nahi dikhate jitna wo mere bhai pe karte hai, kyu wo meri izzat nahi kar sakte, kya ladki hona itna bada gunah hai, paap hai, shayad ha, tabhi to har ek ladki kisina kisi roop me isko bardast kar rahi. Kabhi meri naukari , kabhi meri shadi ki umar, kabhi shadi ka kharcha itna bada sawal aur kashmakash kyu ban jata hai. Bata chhavi kya jawab hai tere pass iska, ye bote hi meri dost gusse aur dukh ki wajah se ro padi. Usko rota hua dekh kar meri ankhe bhi bhar aayi aur aaye kyu na kya galati hai uski shayad yahi ki wo ek ladaki hai. Pata hai itna gussa aata hai mujhko jab bhi mai aisa kuch sunti hu ya apne ass pass dekhti hu. Itna bebas aur lchar pati hu mai apne apko, mera maan karta hai ki mai zor zor se chilau ki " ha hu mai ladki aur naaz hai mujhko iss baat par" tum sab bhi karo apne ass pass wali ladkio par, kadar karo unki. Aur pata hai sabse jyada gussa unn ladkio par aata hai jo ye sab chup chap bardast kar leti hai ye soch kar ki ye to har ghar me hota hai, itna to bardast karna hi padta hai. Nahi, galat hai agar har ghar me hota hai to wo sai nahi hai, har ghar ko badalna hoga, chup rahne se kuch nahi hoga, ladna hoga. Meri aisi baate sunkar kai ladkiya bolti hai ki humko bolne se kya hoga, kisi stage par ja kar bolo,, hahahaha, bhasan nahi hai, gunheghar tum khud ho jo apne sath hone wala bartav sehan kar rahi ho. Mat karo. Maine aaj tak ek bhi jagah nahi dekhi jaha par ye fark na hota ho. Chahe wo cororate ho, entertainement ho, koi bhi field ye har jagah hai, kisina kisis roop me jarur kiya jata hai. Bohot si Aurte dekhi hai jo din bhar bhara ka kam karne ke baad ghar sambhalti hai aur raat ko apne pati se mar khati hai, sara din mehnat majdoori karne ke baad sabki jalile jhelti hai, kitni bachiya hai jo padhna chahti hai par unko mauka nahi milta to padh nahi pati hai, kitne log hai jo apne ghar ki aurto ko peete hai, kitne log apne ghar ki bahuo ko dahej ke liya jala dete hai, par kya sirf ye atyachar hai aur baki cheeze nahi. Kya ye umeed kaarna ki sara din kaam karne ke baad wo apne pati aur bacho ko khana de, apna ghar sambhale ye galat nahi hai,: kya ye galat nahi hai ki beto ko pyar aur betiyo ko fatkar mile, kya ye galat nahi hai ki padha likha kar shadi kardo aur apne carrier ko bhul jao, kya ye galat nahi hai ki hum apni mummy se khane ki umeed karte hai, unhi se sari aashaye rakhte hai par papa ko kabhi nahi kahate khana bana de, kya har baat pe ladki ko tokna ki aise chalo, zor se mat haso galat nahi hai kya ye galat nahi hai ki hum apni ladkio ko ghar se bahar nahi jane dete aur beto ko awara gardi karne bhej dete hai, kya ye galat nahi hai ki agar aurat ghar sambhalti hai to wo kisi layak nahi hai, kya ye galat nahi hai ki shadi ke bad jo pati khe wai pehena,, kya ye galat nahi hai apni ladkio ko bolna ki ghar ke decision me dakhal na de, kya ye galat nahi hai ladko ko pehle khana dena aur ladki ko badme, kya apni beti ki graduation ke baad padhi ye soch kar rok dena jyada padh legi to itna pdha likha ladka shadi ke liya nahi milega, kya ye baat galat nahi hai, ghar ke decision bhai aur papa lenge ye baat galat nahi hai, apni beti se umeed karna ki wo hi maa ka hath bataye beta nahi, ye bhi galat hai. Hai galat, bilkul galat hai, chahe chote ho par ye bhi atyachar hai. Agar 1 lakh rupaye kamane wale ladke ki maa apne ghar ke bartan manj sakti hai to ek lakh rupaye kamane wala ladka kyu nahi. Kyu ladki ko apna carrier ki bali kabhi apne ghar walo ki wajah se, kabhi pati ki wajah se aur kabhi bacho ki wajah se deni padti hai, kisine pucha usse ki wo kya chahti hai, usko ky passand hai, nahi bas ek vakya bolna seekh liya ki aurte sehesheelta ki devi hoti hai aur iski add me aap kitna hi atya char karlo wo bardast kar legi aur karna bhi chahiye. Excuse me bhai sahab, kabhi apne humse pucha ki sehen karna chahte bhi hai ya nahi ya fir khud hi apni galtio ko chupane ke liye hume ek tag de diya, nahi chahiye, nahi karna sehen, kaunsa insan kahega ki haa bhai karo mujhpe atyachar, mai to bani hi isike liye hu, socho thoda. Aur jo log bolte hai ki ladki ka rape hua ya acid attack kyuki wo galat jagah pe thi, wo galat time pe bahar thi ya fir usne galat kapde pehne the , to bhai sahab galat uss ladki ke kapde , uska bhar hona nahi, galat apki soch hai warna 2 saal ki ladkio ke ghar em balatkar nahi ho rahe hote. Kuch log aur bhi mahan hai jo ye bolte hai ki agar meri ladki aise kam kare to mai usko zinda jala du, to uncle ji apne andar ke admi hone ke ghamand ko jalaiye, kyuki galat uska ladki hona nahi balki apka apne ladke ko galat cheezo pe sath dena hai. HUmko ladkio ko ghar ke andar band karne ki jarurat nahi par unko shaktishali banan hoga taki wo apne bachav ke liye apne bhai ka intazar na kare aur khud apne liye ladd sake. ladko ko ladkio ki izzat karna sikhana hoga, agar pati kam karke aaya hai to patni bhi, dono ko milkar karna chahiye, agar aurt bahar ja kar kam karna chahti hai to usko rokna nahi balki badhava dena chahiye. Kyu agar kabhi gar me ladki paida hoti hai to log kahate hai lakshmi hui, bolo durga paida hui hai jo apne khilaf atyacharo se khud ladegi, hum usko itna majboot aur kabil banaenge ki usko kisi ke sahare ki jarurat nahi pade. 

Aksar log bolte hai ki meri stories bohot lambi hoti hai par kya karu ye topic itna sensitive hai ki chahu to puri kitab likh dalu. Hum chahe kitne bhi modern ho jaye, atyachar hota hai ladkio par bas atyachar karne ka dhang badal jata hai. Kabhi ek second nikalo aur socho ki kab kaise aur kaha humne khud kisina kisi aurat pe atyachar kiy hai, chahe wo kisi bhi roop me ho. aur agar apko ehsas ho ki ha ajnae me hi kiya hai to please unko jake sorry bolo aur gaale laga lo. EK bar apne as pass wali aurto ko thodi izzat deke dekho wo khud hi apko apne sir ka taj bana legi. Mai ye nahi kaha rahi ki ladko ke sath kuch nahi hota ya unke sath kuch bura nahi hota par aap khud socho ki har waqt apko apno se hi ladna padta hai. Hum duniya se to tab ladenge jab apne khud ke ghar wale bahar walo ko mauka denge, i think nahi, to utho aur jao aur apni mummy, didi, bhabhi, dadi, bua, chachi, beti, ya dost jisko bhi jante ho usko sorry bolo aur thodi kadar karo unki, izzat karo. Waise hi duniya me bohot udasi chai hui hai par mai lecture nahi dena chahti par agar ek bhi insan ki soch ladkio ke prati badal pau to mai samjhungi ki mera janam lena safal ho gaya. 

Chiraiya nahi hu, baaz hu, udne to do ek baar, badlo se bhi upar pohoch ke dikhaungi.  

Jana anjana sa safar

Ek din jab main saman lekar bazar se ghar aa rahi thi to darwaje ke peeche chupe hue mere bhai ne chilaya :" Dhappa !!!! darr gayi , darr gayi", ye sunke ek sec ke liye to meri heart beat skip hui par usko kha pata chalna tha ki main actually me darr gayi thi. Darr sabko lagta hai, kisiko ko chuhe se , kisko coacroah se, kisko height se, kisiko speed se, kisiko pani se. Bhot sare logo ko chipkali se, bhot se logo ko andhere se. Bhot prakar ke darr hai is duniya me, jo kisi na kisi insan ke dil aur dimag me samaye hue hai. Mujhko har cheez se darr lagta hai (literally har cheez se). Mujhko to unn cheezo se bhi darr lagta hai jisse kisi aur ko nahi lagta. par pehle main aisa nahi bolti thi, agar koi mujhse puchta tha ki kis cheez se darr lagta hai to main jawab deti thi ki bhooto ko chod kar har cheez se, ye sunkar samne wala puchta tha ki bhooto se kyu nahi lagta, to main bolti thi ki lagta hai par agar main sochu uss bare me to. Agar na sochu to raat ko 2 baje bhi akele chatt par ghoom leti hu aur sochlu to logo se bhare kamre me bhi darr lagta hai. 

Hamare campus me ek jagah hai jaha se pura campus dikhta hai aur sahi me view kafi acha hota hai. Waha janne ke liye thodi pahadi types chadhni padti hai. To aise hi ek sham hum 6, 7 logo ne socha ki chalo waha chalte hai. Already thoda late ho gaya tha par koi na kafi log the to kya hi fark padta hai. Hum chalna shuru kiye hi the ki itne me main thak gayi, meri speed ki wajah se sabki speed kam ho gai thi. Badi mushkil se thak thakate hue hum log pohoch gaye. Waha se campus bhot sundar dikh raha tha, kuch dosto ko photography ka shauk bhi tha to wo log photos click karne me lag gaye. Hum logo ne thoda time waha spend kiya aur fir socha ki chalo wapis chalte hai. chadhna mushkil hota hai par utarna nahi to sab apni masti me lage hue the. Hum log adhe raste bhi nahi pohoche ki kafi andhera ho gaya tha, andhera pura nahi par aisa ki kuch dikhai na de. Ek dost ko maja aane laga tha to usne bhooto ki baate shur kar di. Bolta socho agar hum neeche pohoche, aur pohchte hi ehsas ho ki hum firse wai pohoch gaye hai jaha se shuru kiya tha. Ye baat sunte hi mere andar ka thaka hua insan bola, : Main bar bar nahi utarungi, agar aisa hua to agli bar seedha roll ho jaungi aur neeche pohoch jaungi. Meri ye baat sunke mera dost hass pada, bolta ki matlab tumko ye tension nahi hai ki ye kaise hua, kya hua par tumko ye tension hai ki tumko firse utarna padega. Ye baat sunkar sab log hasne lage. Fir kisine kaha ki aisa hua hai kisi movie me. KAfi andhera ho gaya tha, aur andhera bhi ekdum bilkul andhera nahi tha par aisa sa jisse vision blurred ho jaye. Ab mujhe darr lagne laga tha, na idhar dekha na udhar aur apni ankho ka best istamal karte hue sirf aur sirf aage ke raste pe focus kiya. Soch to mai aise rahi thi jaise agar main nahi dekhungi idhar udhar to bhoot bhi mujhko kuch nahi kahega (hahahahaha). Fir thodi der me firse wai dost bola, socho agar tum peeche mud kar dekho aur tumko, tumhari shakal ka koi aata dikhai de to kya karogi??? Arey abhi tak to sirf dhadkan tez honi shuru hui thi par ye baat sunkar to dil aise dhadak raha tha ki thoda aur , to bas seene se bahar hi nikal jaega. Maine iss baat ko unsuna karne ki koshish ki . Baki sabne bhi ye baat majak me taal di par meere ander ek chull bhi to thi, ki ek bar dekh to lu, to maine bhot himmat juta karke apna muhh thoda saa peche ki taraf moda. Kafi andhera hone ki wajah se kuch bhi theek se dikhai nahi de raha tha, par ek ajjeb sa saya peeche se aage ki taraf aata hua dikhai diya. shit!!! meri to wahi jaan nikal gayi. AAaaaaaaa, mai bhot zor se chilai apne dimag me. Socha bolu dosto ko par laga ki ek baar dubara dekhlu kai wahem to nahi aur maine firse mud kar dekhne ki koshish ki to dekha mera ek dost jo sabse peeche tha wo aage aa raha tha, Shit ye dekh kar meri to jan nikal bhi gayi aur bach bhi gayi. Maine apne dost ko itni galiya di ki wo bhi sochne laga ki isko kya ho gaya hai. Ab dusra dost bolta ki tumko itna darrr kyu lag raha hai, hum sab sath hi to hai, agar jyada darr lag raha hai to mera hath pakad lo. Ab to bas bhagwan se yai prarthana kar rahi thi ki "hey bhagwan, hum sab sai salamt hostel pohoch jaye to  apki kripa hogi." Thodi der shant hone ke baad fir maine bola, waise mujhko hanuman chalisa aati hai. Hahahahaha karke sabhi hasne lage. Mera daar bhagane ke chakkar me dost bolta ki hunman chalisa hi kyu? maine bola aati to mujhko durga chalisa bhi hai. Wo bolta arey, itne busy bhagwan ko yaad karogi to wo tumhari help kaise karenege, ye wale bhot busy hai, koi aise bhagwan ji ko dhundo jo thoda free ho to tumhari madad kar sake. Ye sunte hi hum sab hass pade. AB theek to lag raha tha par darr mere dil aur dimag me samaya hua tha. Thodi der me hum hostel pohoch gaye. Pohochne ke baad hum sab bhul gaye aur apne apne kaamo me mast ho gaye.

Kyuki itni mehnat jo ki thi maine, to socha aaj thoda jaldi so jau. Aur mai so gayi, thodi hi der me, maine apne apko uss paahdi ke upar pati hu. Shit !!! Ye kya ho gaya , kaha aa gayi me , yaha kaise poch gayi, abhi to thodi der pehle hostel me thi. Kuch samajh nahi aa rha tha aur jitna darr tab nahi laga usse jyada darr ab lag raha tha. Ek taraf pahadi jungle tha aur dusri taraf, jagali khayi. Jab tak me kuch soch pati aur samajh pati, itni der me mere dil me khayal aaya ki iss jaagh to main apne dosto ke sath aayi thi, wo sab kaha hai? Mai unko idhar udhar djhundne lagi. Kuch na dikhai dene pe meri ankho se aansu behne laage. Itna darr zindagi me kabhi nahi laga tha jitna darr abb lag raha hai. Shit!!! ab main kya karu, mere baukhlaye dimag ne bola, koi nahi, jo bhi hai, jaisa bhi hai, iss situation se nikalne ki koshish karte hai. To itna soch aur samjh kar maine niche utarna shuru kiya, darr ke mare mere paav kapne laage the, gala buri tarah se sukh raha tha, dil ki dhadkan itni tez ki kisiko bhi dur se sunai de jaye. Andhera, sanata, aur ur dur tak koi bhi nahi. Maine ladkhadate hue kisi tarah neeche ki aur jana shuru kiya. Thodi hi dur pohochi thi, to mujhko kuch logo ke hasne, bolne ki awaz sunai di, jaise ki kuch logo ka group ja raha ho. Ye awaz mere liye ek asha ki kiran ki tarah thi, mai shayad yaha akeli nahi hu aur log bhi hai, meri raftar tez ho gayi aur mai jaldi jaldi neeche utarne lagi. Un logo ki awaz aur zor se aane alagi, ab aawaze kuch clear hone lagi thi. Kuch jani pechani awaze thi. Thoda aur kareeb jake dekha to mujhko apna ek dost dikhayi diya jiske sath sham ko hi main yaha par aayi thi. Mai usko zor zor se pukarne lagi. zor zor se awaz dene ke sath sath meri raftar aur tez ho gayi taki mai apne dost ke pass poch saku. Mai itni zor zor se usko awaz de rahi thi par fir bhi sun nahi pa raha tha, to socha thoda aur tez chalu aur uske pass pohoch jau. Mere ladkhadate kadam, dost ke pass pohochne ki aasha, meri awz us tak pochnake ke josh ke sath mai aage badhti gayi. AB mai uske kareeb hi thi aur maine uska naam pukara to usko kuch ehsas to hua, usne peeche mudkar mujhko dekha aur aage ki aur bhagne laga. Usko aise dekhkar mai aur ghbra gayi aur apne apko bebas aur lachar mehsus karne lagi. AB dimag me ye swal tha ki usne mujhko dekh kar bhi undekha kyu kar diya aur merse durr kyu bhagne laga. Ye janne ke chakkar me main aur tzez chanlne lagi, aage aakar dekha ki mera sara group jinke sath me sham ko aayi thi, wo sab hai.  Main ek ek karke sabko puarne lagi par kpi mujhko sun kyu nahi paa raha tha, meri samjh me kuch bhi nahi aaya. Gaur se dekhne pe meri ankhe khuli ki khuli raha gayi, uss group ke beech me ek ladki thi darri hui si jo bilkul meri tarah dikh rahi thi. Ye dekh kar meri ankho se zor zor se aansu behne lagge aur mai apne dosto ka naam uar zor se chilane lagi. Itna bebas aur lachar mehsus kar rahi thi mai apne apko, ki sabke hote hue bhi koi mere sath nahi hai, koi mereko sun nahi paa raha aur nahi koi meri madaad le liye hai. kuch bhi samjh nahi aa raha tha, kya karu , kaha jau, kisse maadad lu, me yaha kaise hu kaun hu, mai sach hu ya wo ladki jo inke sath chl rahi. ye log to sab wai baate kar arhe hai jo sham ko hum log kar rahe the. Iss baat ne to mujhko aur dara diya. BHot chilla chill kar rone lagi, kuch mehsus nahi ho raha tha , aisa lag raha tha mano ki shareer hai hi nahi. Thodi der rone ke baad maine apna hosh sambhala aur socha ki chod in sabko, main jaldi jaldi neeche jati aur iss agah se bhar nikla jati. Main ab daudne lagi thi, mere paisro me ek ajeeb si shakti aa gayi thi. Thodi hi dur pe mujhko bhar ka rsta dikhayi de raha tha, mere chere pe ab ek muskan thi ki chalo jo bhi hua, kuch samjh nahi aya par ab main apne hostel ja sakti hu aur iss jagah se bahar nikal sakti hu. Jaise hi main neeche pochne wali thi to ekdum se mujhko thoda sa chakakar aaya, par main sambhal gayi, socha ki daudne ki wajah se aisa hua, thoda khadi ho jati hu. EK do sec me jab theek laaga, to maine aass pass dekha aur dekhte hi mere hosh udd gaye, chehra peela pad gaya. MAine dekha ki main firse uss pahadi ke upar pohoch gayi hu jaha se maine shuruat ki thi. Ye dekhte hi maine bohot zor se chilaaya : Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Itne me hi mujhko ek dastak sunai di.

Mere room ke darwaze pe dastak hui. Dastak sunte hi meri neend khul gayi. Neend khulte hi maine dekha ki mera takiya pura giila hua hi, meri ankho se aansu nikla rahe hai aur mere dil ki dhadkan kafi tez ho rakhi hai. Uth to mai gayi thi par abhi bhi mai hosh me nahi thi, mera dimag abhi bhi wai soch raha tha aur mere sapne ke sadme me tha. Firse darwaze pe zor se dastak hui, mai aur darr gayi, ab lag raha tha ki kai mere darwaje pe mere jaise dikhne wali ladki to nahi, Mere darwaja kholte hi wo bole, aur aa gayi ahadi se. Ab itna darr lag raha tha, ki bas susu hi nikalne wlaa tha, itne me hi meri ek dost i awaz aayi. Badi himmat karke, khade ho kar maine darwaja khola. Apni dost ko dekh kar me foot foot kar rone lagi. Usko gale lagaya uar zor zor se rone lagi. USko kuch samjh nahi aa rha tha ki kya ho raha hai mere sath, mai kyu itna ro rahi hu. Usne mujhko pyar se puchkarne ke baad pucha, kya hua tereko kyu ro rahi hai, aur thodi der pehle tu baki logo ka naam lekar chilla kyu rahi thi  Mai wash room ja rahi thi to jaate jaate tere chillane ki awaz sunai di to socha puch lu kya hua(mera room washroom se next wala hi tha). Hosh sambhalte hue maine usko apna pura sapna bataya, sunkar wo hassi bhi shuruat me par meri halat dekh kar darr bhi gayi thi. Mereko shant karne ke chakkkar me usne bola ki koi baat nahi, bura sapna tha, dimag me wai sab chal raha tha isiliye tumko ye sapna aaya. Apne apko ko apne kamre me dost ke pass pakar jo sukoon mil raha tha wo mai bayan bhi nahi kar pa rahi. Usne mujhko pani pilaaya aur apne room se e chotu se ganpati ji diye, bola darr lage to inko yaad karlena. 

Uss din ke baad se ab mujhko harr cheez se darr lagta hai, apne aap se bhi. 

 

South India trip

 

Dosti jitna chota shabd, utna hi bada ehsas hai. Jitna isko samajhane ki koshish karo utna hi har daffa hairan kar deta hai. Badi alag kism ki prajati hoti hai ink logo ki, kahi par bhi, kisi bhi haal me(genrally jhalle), kisi bhi roop me mil jate hai, bas der hai to unko pehchanne ki. Mere pass bhi hai aise hi kuch namune, bhot khass hai, dil k bhot pass hai, ha ab jyada baat nahi hoti par pta hai jab bhi jarurat hogi, they will be there always. Me bhi shayad unnmese ek namuna hu. Har kisi k sath alag type ki dosti hai, alag rishta hai. To Aisa hi kuch rishte ke bharose maine apna baki soutn india trip shuru kiya. To ab apna pehla din banglore me bitane ke baad, mujhko salem jana tha apni dost ke ghar. 

Ek din akele bitane ke baad ek alag sa hi confidence tha ki ab to kahi bhi, kaise bhi chali jaungi. Idhar udhar dekha, fir breakfast krke, apne frn k liye mithai lene ki koshish krne ke baad m pohoch gyi bus stand. Ab pohoch to gayi par jana kha hai samjh nahi aa rha, kaunsi wali bus meri hai, kis jagah se milegi thoda confusing tha aur fir tamil bhi itni hi aati thi ki bas namaste bol saku (Vanakam), but meri frn pura time mere sath phone par mujhko guide kar rahi thi aur usne driver as well as conductor se baat bhi ki, aur thode hi ghanto me mai salem pohoch gayi. EK chota sa sheher, ekdam meri city jaisa, dur chote pahad, aur barsat ka mausam, bhot acha tha aur apni frn aur uske papa ko dekh kar aur bhi acha lag rha tha. It was such a pleasant welcome, tha to mere sheher jaisa hi par thoda alag, alag alag rang ke ghar, har ghar k bhar bani hui rangoli (jo mujhko lagta tha painted hai), red color ke kele, bhot sare coconut, mogre k phool balo m lagai hui aunties, lungi pehne hue uncle, (hahahaha) Sab alag tha fir bhi apna sa. Ye sab dekhte dekhte m apni friend ke ghar pohich gayi. Mai amma, appa se mili thi pehle bhi par aaj thoda alag lag rha tha aur bhot acha bhi. Hum ghar par teen din tak rahe kyuki mereko urgent kuch kaam aa gya tha, still my frn and her parents managed to entertain me, Appa got local cold drink, bhajji, banana pakora , amma made me world's best rasam, now also i miss it, dad use to make coffee daily for us and my frn use to make dosa whenever i tell her that i am hungry (literally anytime like 2 A.M. also). Appa got us everything with the thought of introducing south india to me as i was new to the place, he was trying to get all good things but who knew that i will be staying there for long time, longer than i planned. After staying for 3 days and finishing my work, we planned to go out of the house to see near by places, kovil (temple), a friend's place ( meri dost ki dost), we even went to a restaurant where we had lots of food. We decided to stay for one more day at home and then start for kerala. we planned to go and buy a kanchipuram saree for my mom as a sovenier as she is very fond of it and welcomed our one more friend from college who stays in tamil nadu only but very far from salem. It was a nice day and a reunioun after 3 months of finishing M.Tech.

To ab mera trip shuru hone wala tha, agle hi din hum kerala ki liye nikal gaye. Trip ki shuruat me hi maine thoda coconut milk faila diya (hahahaha), literally faila diya, appam par. Ratse me jab hum breakfast k liye ruke to nayi dish khayi jiska naam tha appam. Friend ke mana karne ke bavajud order to kar liya par ab samajh nahi aa rha tha isko khate kaise hai, wo ek round bowl jaisa kuch tha jiske sath me white color ka koi liquid katori me diya hua tha. Meri shakal dekh kar meri friend ne bola, mana kiya tha na mangane ko, mai bhi jiddi, bola yai khaungi. Dusri frined ne btaya ki ye coconut milk hai, isko appam me dal kar khate hai (dekha kha tha na fala diya coconut milk). wo itna meetha tha ki samjh nahi aa rha tha breakfast hai khane k baad khane wali sweet dish. Chalo jaise taise kar ke kha liya, gussai hui frn ko merepe taras aaya aur usne apna dosa bhi share kar liya. I had best memories of food in kerala. See kerala is very nice except food, atleast mere liye, aur ye to sirf shuruat thi. 

Kyuki salem tamil nadu aur kerala ke border ke pass hi tha, to hume jyada time nahi laga ur hum kerala pohoch gaye, waha par appa ne home stay book kiya hua tha. "wow" it was so good, food was homemade and awesome. Hot drinking water, cold weather plus we three friends, we didnt do anything different, but it was so awesome, wai gupshup, college ki baate, hindi tamil ki ladai. Aur kya chahiye jinee k lye, bas 2 dost. 

Kerala is so awesome, so beautiful and so full of nature, once u go there, for sure u will fall in love with it. We went to so many places such as periyar national park and all other places. It was so beautiful, so good weather, har waqt barish, meri frns aur unka camera, meri cameraman cum friend, meri photos, pagalpanti wale poses, dosa, bandar, and jeera water. Sab bohot acha tha, sab sai cha rha tha except of "parota and veg kurma" made in coconunt milk. Barish ki wajah se vegetarian options kam the aur ye unme se best option. You will not belive maine 2 din subh sham wai khaya aur wo din hai aur aaj ka din maine kabhi kurma dubara taste nahi kiya. see point ye hai ki ek to m north indian upar se vegetarian, kasam se rone hi lagi thi mai, par meri dost as always was there to save me dosa. Do din kurma aur dilkhush jagah pe bitane k baad fir hum munnar ki aur chale gaye, hum ratse me hi the ki bhaad (flood) ki condition ho gayi. Wow, ye to shayad koi bhi plan nahi karta, maine bhi nahi socha tha par kyuki maine aaj tak flood nahi dekha tha and i know dekhne ki cheez bhi nahi hai, par wo daar, wo pareshani, har ratsa pani me duba hua, car band hone ka khatra, salem wapis na pohochpane ka khauf, sab bhot alag tha. Hum jis bhi ratse pe ja rhae the, thodi der me hi wha pura pani bhar ja raha tha, mujhko chod kar sab pareshan the, appa aur amma sabse jyada kyuki humari responsibility bhi unke upar thi, par me to apni hi dhun m mast, itna sara pani dekh kar khush ho rahi thi (so stupid of me). Kisi traha, ratsa badal badal kar, hum kerala ki baadh se nikal kar tamil nadu me aa gaye, Safe and sound. Main to mast kharate maar kar so rahi thi, baki sab preshan, thoda flood ki wajah se, thoda travelling aur hectic hone ki wajah se. Chalo jo bhi tha, ab jaise taise hum ghar pohochne wale the. Ab aage kya karna hai ye sochna baki tha, issse pehle m kuch soch pati, tabhi hi ratse me mere ek aur dost ka phone aa gya jine meri duniya palat di.

Ek M.Tech ka batchmmate hai mera, jhalla sa jo hamra placememnt coordinator bhi tha, to mai usko sara time pareshan karti rhati thi ki kai job dilwa, kai job dilwa. Thode dino pehle hi mujhko pta chala tha ki wo kisi chennai ki company me kaam kar rha hai, to usko maine phone karke majak me bola ki "kya bhai, khudki job lga li, hmara kya hoga." Iss baat ka jawab dene ke liye uss din wapis aate hue uska call aaya. Phone uthane pe bola ki meri comapny me vacancy hai, apply karle agar chennai me rhna sai lage to. Ok i was not prepared for it yet. mai to bhot halke me sab le rahi thi ki abhi to bhot ghumenge fir main aram se bangalore jake kisi pg me rahungi, dar dar thokre kha kar job dhundingi, par ye kya, it was like a shock. Usne btaya ki abhi 2 months k contract par hai, try karle agar acha laga to theek warna chod dena. Acha aur bura lagne se pehle mujhko chennai jake test dena tha aur interview wagera sab clear karna tha, to usko maine pucha ki kab aa jau, to bola ki kal hi aaja, better rahega. Ok, i was thinking of thinking about it later, par isne to sochne ka mauka hi nahi diya aur bola kal hi aa ja, ab iss duvidha me thi main ki agar nahi gayi to aage se usko job k liye bhi nahi bol paungi aur upar se job profile bhi sai lag rha tha, to socha kya pta yai sai ho par still i was confused and not sure. Maine apni dosto ko btaya to unhone bola, u should give a try, agar nahi hua to bhi experience ho jaega, u should decide about joining later, once u clear it. Abhi wo jo bol rahe the sai to lag rha tha par daar bhi lag rha tha. Abhi tak banglore me bhai tha, salem me dost par chennai, ye to mere plan me tha hi nahi, ab iska kaise, kab aur kya karu, kuch bhi samjh nahi aa rha tha. Ek bar laga ki mere dost mujhse pareshan ho gaye hai, isiliye jane ko bol rahe hai. Par fir laga , nahi, mere bhale ke liye hi bol rahe hai. Ab ghar pohoch gaye, naha liya, kha bhi liya par ab ek ajeeb si confusion hai mere dilo dimag me, kya main kar paungi, kya mai rha paungi, papa ne bhi mna kiya bolte koi future nahi hai, wha kaise rahegi and all, unn sabko to main samjha leti agar main khud kuch samjh pati. Itna socha ki soch soch kar ghutno me dard ho gya (hahahaha, jsut kidding) aur soch to aise rahi thi ki jaise job mil gayi hai. Jab main khud kuch decide nahi kar ati tomin apna decision duniya pe chod deti hu, matlab apne dosto aur well wishers se discuss karti hu kya karna chahiye. Jisne job ka btaya tha usse baat ki, baki saab se baat ki abhi bhi kuch samjh nahi aa rha tha, fir maine bhramaastra nikala aur maine apni mummy se baat ki, she is ultimate, meer har dukh duvidha aur dard ka ilaj hai wo aurat (hahahha), unko pucha kya karu to bolti hai, "mai kya btau kya karna hai, tu khud decide kar ki tune apni life me kya karna hai, humne tumko iss layak bna diya hai ki tum apne decision khud le sako", sunke thoda dhakka laga, pta hai thodi kadak hai par help jarur karengi (akhir maa ksiki hai) isiliye main chup rahi. After a pause she told, why are u scared, tu job karne hi wali thi na banglore me, wha kaun hota sath, kisike bharose karna ka plan tha, nahi na, kyu itni pareshan hai, pehle try to kar, agar mil jati hai, tab badme sochna." It hit me hard, my mom is always like this, my sole supporter, chahe ho jaye hamesha mere sath khadi hai. After a long discussion, and conversation with my dad, i decided ki pehle interview dene jate hai, baki ka baad me dkhenge (against my dad's wish). He also gives me confidence by denying to it, agar uunhone mana kar diya to ab pakka karna hai. He has his own reasons, hamesha bacho ko apne pass rakhna chahte hai, kabhi dur nahi bhejna chahte, (for both of us), to darte hai shayad, par maine wahi karna hai jo unhone mana kiy hai. uffff,, after so much of brain stormig, meri frn aur maine milkar chennai me hotel book kiya, near my office, fir bus ticket bhi book ki. Jab insan mentally prepared hota hai to physical preparartions to bas formality ki trah hoti hai. Miane apna sara saman pack kiya, jo bhi jarurat ka tha,apne sare documents rakhe, photocopies, sab pack kiya. Amma appan concerned the ki main kaise akeli jaungi kya karungi, wo bol rhe the bhai ko bulane ko par unko kaise btati ki usse ladai ho rakhi hai, to aine unko iss point se distract karne ke liye uss friend k phone kiya jisne job ka btaya tha, usko bola agar wo bus stand lene aa sake to acha rahega. Bhaisahab ne pehle to mana kar diya (how rude of him) fir baad me bola chal theek hai, mai aa jaunga. Chalo ab sab thoda sorted lag rha tha, amma appa ki bhi pareshani dur ho gayi, Ab bas bacha tha to test and interview clear karna. Saman le kar bus mai baith gayi. Dekho hamra dimag kitna sochta hai na, pehle ye soch kar pareshan thi ki interview k liye jau ya nahi, apna to kara kara baki sabka bhi dimag khrab kar diya, aur ab ye soch kar pareshan thi ki itni discussion aur jaado jehed ke baad mera test aur interview clear nahi hua to mai kya karungi. Hai ram !!!! itna dimag gumane ke baad apni ek purani freind ka dilogue yad aaya, jab kuch samjh na aaye ya kuch bhi tumhare hatho me naho  to tension mat lo, sleep lo, aur fir maine waise hi kiya  aur subh subh chennai pohoch gayi.  Dost ne hotel drop kiya aur ratse me office bhi dikha diya aur btaya ki kisse ja kar milna hai. Ok, mai ready bhi thi upar se complementary breakfast bhi tha. Khush thi mai, pta hai kya, har choti choti cheez se hi life me confidence aata hai, aur mai to uss mode me thi jo kisi bhi cheez ya kahi se bhi confidence le le. Ab office to phoch gayi par ek ajeeb si feeling thi kyuki iss janam me to main isse pehle kabhi kisi office me job k liye nahi gayi thi, bhot ajeeb lag rha tha, upar se weekend tha, pura office khali, HR thi waha par, shayad unko ehsas ho gaya tha mere darr ka to mujhko comfort karne ke liye unhone mujhko chai offer ki aur jyada comfortable na ho jau isiiye test bhi de diya. Mujhko lagta hi ki mai jyada sochti hu par kya karu aisi hi hu aur isi wajah se i was worried ki ye sab kya ho raha hai, sai hai bhi ya nahi, kya hoga ye sab mere dimag me chal rha tha, itna ki chai lover ko chai bhi besawad lag rahi thi. Test dekh kar thoda confidence aaya, ki chalo kuch to aata hai, sab khatam kiya aur HR ne btaya ki "jab iska result aa jaega tab interview hoga. Ek test aur hai jo aap room par se hi kar sakte ho", theek hai bolkar mai wapis hotel aa gayi. 

AB kya karu, fir ek awaj ayi , mere dil ki awaj thi, wo bol raha tha dekh: wai mulayam bistar, mast Ac, zomato, laptop aur internet, bhul gayi tu apna sapna jo M.Tech me apne dosto ko bolti thi, "yaar bas maan kar rha hai ek hotel room book karu, mast Ac chalau aur padi rahu", aaj wo sapna tere samne,  tera intazar kar raha hai, ja aaj usko firse sakar kar le. Saturday tha, maine hotel monday tak book kiya hua tha, ye soch kar monday tak pta chal gya aur ho gya to interview de kar hi wapis chali jaungi (typical but smart baniya). Ab maine movies dekhni shuru ki,  agli bar jab hosh sambhala to pure 2 din ho chuke the. Bas mai, mera laptop ac aur bhar ka khana, full too aish mari, aur pta hi nahi chala ki ye do din kab beet gaye, aur time bhi beet jata agar papa ne daat nahi mari hoti, unhone bola ab to room se nikal kai ho kar aa, to laga sai kha rahe hai. Ab to mere me itna josh tha jaise maine koi jang fatah kar li ho, mera dimag ab dialogue mar rha tha: haiiiii chennai kya ab to mai kahi bhi ja sakti hu, auto book karo aur chale jao, kya hi frk padta hai. Itne confidence ke sath maine uthaya google aur search kiya, places to visit in chennai aur fir man bna kar main marina beach aur kapaleeshwarar temple ghum kar aayi. Beach was so nice, calm, i had pani puri, kya karu bhot chatori hu, pani puri bhot passand hai mujhe. Jab next day bhi kuch pta nahi chala to mai frn ke ghar aa gayi salem me. Test ke baad itna confience tha ki clear to ho jaega ab tha to sirf interview. AB kitne din dost ke pass rehti aur usko pareshan karti, maine apna mann bna liya th banglore jane ka rakhi bhi aa rahi thi. Itne me mere mummy papa ne mil kar mere bhai ko samjhane ki koshish ki, aur wo thoda convince ho gya, rakhi par mujhko apne ghar aane dene ko. To main apna sara saman pack kiya aur banglore aa gayi. Socha agar chennai wali job ka kuch hota hai to theek warna rakhi ke baad apne liye pg dhundu aur job ki talash shuru kar du. Firse hotel book kiya kyuki mere bhai sahab ne sirf 2 ghante ke liye ha ki thi, waha ruku thoda time aur fir rakhi bandh kar wapis chali jau. Shayad jo bhai kar rha tha sai bhi tha aur jaruri bhi, kyuki isne mujhko independent hona sikhaya, kafi kuch sikhne ko mila iski wajah se warna shayad main kabhi itna confidence apne andar la hi nahi pati. Papa abhi bhi iss baat se khafa the ki main kyu is job me interested hu, meri field se bhi alag hai, chennai me bhi hai, still ab mujhko lag rha tha ki me khud ke liye kuch kar sakti hu. Mera test clear hua aur maine wo job join karli. Pata hai intni khus thi ki main pehle hi din apna bevkoof bnwa liya, mera office second flooe pe hai aur first floor wale office me ghuss gayi, maje se ja rahi hu, ek bar dimag me aaya apna office to nahi lag rha, log bhi waise nahi lag rahe, socha tu pagal hai, weekend tha, tune sirf 2 ya 4 logo ko dekha hoga, abhi kaise mil jaenge wo log aur apni dhun me , chere pe badi si muskan le kar chali gayi. Sab log mujhko ghoor bhi rahe the aur admi ne himmat juta kar mujhse puch hi liya, kaha jana hai? Mai samjahdhar , maine bola office (hahhahaha), bolte kause office , fir maine apni company ka naam btaya to unhone bola aap galat floor pe aa gayi hai (ohh my god) jitni badi smile thi pehle mere chere pe ab usse bhi badi majak ban gayi thi, fir socha chod, kisne dekha hai aur waise bi tere office walo ko to nahi pta na, kya hi fark padta hai. To aisa hua mera South India trip, abhi tak i am working for that company, so my south india trip is still on. Jab bhi koi merse ya meri mummy se puchta hai ki chennai kaise job lagi to bas yai bolte hai ghumne gayi thi lag gayi. Even office me bhi sab hairan the, main apne ghar wapis diwali par gayi aur apna baki ka saman le kar aayi. 

In sab experience se yahi seekha, kitna hi plan karlo, kuch bhi karlo hona wai hai jo apko nahi pata, so be ready and prepared always, kabhi bhi kuch bhi ho sakta hai, koi bhi opportunity apke darwaje par dastakhat de sakti hai, Par darwaja khol kar usko welcome to humko hi karna hai. Agar main dar kar job ke liye apply nahi kar rah hoti to pta nahi abhi kha par hoti mai. Ab chennai bhi apna sa lagta hai, different hai, par acha hai. Ab chennai bhi ghar se utna hi dur lagta hai jitna ki banglore. So be positive, be spontaneous aur apne dosto ko kabhi mat bhulo. 

How i planned for South India trip

 

Spontaneous bole to , jo apne aap ho jaye, jisko koi external force ki jarurat na pade. Pta nahi aisa kya hai is duniya me jo apne aap hota hai, i think jo bhi hota hai kisi na kisi force ki wajah se hota hai, pta nahi bohot confusing hai ye sab, ha par apni post graduation ke baad ye zarur seekh liya hai ki life me spontaneous hona bohot jaruri hai, u shloud always be ready for whatever happens. Ready hone se matlab ye nahi hai ki suit wagera pehen ke ready hona, par jo bhi ho rha hai usko accept karna. Apna to life me ek hi funda hai ki chahe kitni bhi planning karlo, par hona wahi hai jo mujhko nahi pta, to plan karke kyu time waste karna. I always wait and see the surprise that god has planned for me. Aise bhot badi bhakt nahi hu mai par ha itna believe karti hu ki koi to hai jo upar baith kar meri life design kar rha hai, hu na drama queen, pehle hi btaya tha (Story: Ek khaab haqiqat sa). See the point is kitni bhi preparation karlo, planning karlo, bhagwan will always be ready with a twist that u never expect to happen. Ha ho sakta hai logo ko bachkana lage, faltu lagge, par bhai sahab itni planning karke apne kya ukhad liya, kya aap aaj wai pe ho jo apne 10 saal pehle socha tha? I am sure u are not, mai bhi nahi, to kyu itna sochna fir. Bachpan itna hasseen aur asan kyu tha, kyuki hum bina soche samjhe cheeje karte the, m ye nahi kha rahi ki jo bhi man me aaye galat ya sahi karo, par ye bol rhi hu ki ek hi cheez k bare me bar bar kyu sochna. Jab hum plan karte hai to sochte hai, jab usko execute karte hai to sochte hai, jab uske loopholes nikalte hai to sochte hai, jab sab apne according nahi hota to sochte hai aur pareshan ho jate hai. Kya faida, sochna hai to kitni achi cheeze hai iss duniya me sochne k liye, jaise ki aaj kya pehnana hai, aaj nahana hai ya nahi, aaj kya khana hai, aaj kha ghumne jana hai, aaj kya aisa nya try karna hai jo pehle nahi kiya (achi cheeze only). 

Pta nahi me hi sirf aisa sochti hu ya fir meri life ke experience ne mujhko ye sikhaya hai, shayad life ne hi. Meri life me bhot kuch aisa hua hai jo maine socha bhi nahi tha, unme se ek hai ye south india trip. Though i like travelling, but aisa nahi hai ki mai bohot ghumti hu,. During my M.Tech ek random din me, jab main apne dosto se baat kar rahi thi, mostly south indians, to ek dost ne btaya ki south india me ye acha hai, dusre ne btaya ki ye acha hai, south india is so beautiful, rasam bhot tasty hota hai, aur pta nahi kya kya. unse baat karte karte mane randomly bla theek hai to M.tech ke baad me ek south india trip plan karungi aur me ye sab jagah ghumungi. Sath hi sath maine apne apko unn logo k ghar bhi invite kar liya. sabo laga majak hai, maine bhi majak majak me bola tha, par pta nahi kyu ye majak har thode dno me repeat hone laga, matlab jab bhi unse baat hoti to wo bolte waise bhi tu aa hi rahi hai hmare ghar tab dekh lena, ya fir jab tu aaegi tab chalenge and all that. Aur dheere dheere mera majak udane lage, sabko chup karane ke liye maine bol diya ki maine ticket bhi kra li hai aur ek random date bol diya, 1august. Ab bol to diya , ab kya karu, mere chehre pe tension dekh kar meri ek frn ko pta chal gya ki maine jhut bola hai, to usne baad me mujhko bola ki mai south india aa jau uske ghar aur fir hum plan karenge ghumne ka. i was relived. chalo koi to hai. Then i called at home aur pta chlta hai ki mera bhai jo banglore me rhta hai wo ghar aaega july end me aur 1st august ka return hai,to maine socha kyu na m iske sath hi ticket kra lu.

 It was our covocation day, sabke parents aaye hue the, aur sabhi ne mujhko unke parents se introduce kraya. As ususal sabne pucha ki aage kya karne ka plan hai, to randomly maine bola ki abhi to koi plan nahi hai as such, fir thoda serious osund karne k liye bola ki mai unke ghar aane wali hu august me,uske baad kuch sochungi. sabke parents the to meri mummy bhi thi wha pe aur unhone mujhse baad me pucha ki ye sab kya chal rha hai. to maine unko sab btaya, fir unhone suggest kiya ki, " waise bhi tu thode din baad ghar aa jaegi, tab sochna kya karna hai, aur  fir august me gum lena south india aur waise bhi job wagera ya aage kya karna hai uske liye banglore se achi jagah kya hogi. I was convinced with her idea aur hu bhi kyu nahi, for the very first time ye sab hone ja rha tha. Ab mummy ne bol to diya par being a mom she was worried ki akele kaise jaegi, isiliye meri mummy ne ghar jate hi bhai ko convince kar liya july end me ghar aane ka aur august me sath banglore jane ka. Mujhko campus me thode din rukna tha to mera bhai campus aaya ghumne ke liye aur hmari ladai ho gayi bure wali. To plan to hai par ab execute kaise hoga pata nahi. Campus me kaam khatam karte karte kafi din ho gaye aur me ghar aayi 26th july ko. Aate hi mujhko bukhar ho gaya aur mere papa ko meri flight ka idea hi nahi tha. on 29th jab papa car book kar rahe the tab maine unko btaya ki m bhi vipin ke sath ja rhi hu, he was shocked and said no, u will not go. i was angry and confused as there are many reasons to cancel my plan. 

1) i was having fever

2) I just came to home

3) No plan after going to my frns place and her family also some mishappening happened. 

4) fight with brother and he said he will not take me to his home in banglore

5)No reason to convince my dad

Then this time my Mom supported me and told, if u wanna go, go now if u will cancel the plan then i dont know whn u will be able to execute it. Before convincing anyone else, i was supposed to convince myself. because, jo bhi decide hoga, it will affect my life only. I asked myself some quetions as u always need expert's advice: 

1) Do i really want this

2) Can having only fever will stop me

3) am i dependent on my brother

And these three questions were sufficient to convince myself. If i am convinced , i believe,i have the power to convince others. After having a long session of self interogation, i convinced my dad using the typical baniya trick. "papa flight ka paisa refund nahi hoga" and it worked, i told him, ki main kuch nahi hua to wapis aa jaungi. I was happy and scared too, aur ho bhi kyu nahi, for the very first time i was going to travel alone to a totally new and unknown place , with a random plan. Airport jane k liye car me baithte hue aisa lag raha tha ki me jung pe ja rahi hu, ek ajeeb sa ehsas ki me kai galat to nahi kar rahi, papa abhi bhi bol rahe hai mat ja, ruk jau kya, ek bari k liye to maan kara li sara saman nikal lu aur bolu nahi jana kai bhi mujhko, me aap logo ke pass hi rahungi, par fir socha nahi aaj ruk gayi to hamesha rukegi and we left for the airport. Bura lag raha tha ghar walo ko chod k jaate hue, Mere sath hamesha aisa hota hai ki mujhko ek taraf ghar wale, ghar ka aram, ghar ka khana aur dusri taraf khud ki khushu, azadi, dhool mitti aur dhake me se kisis ek ko chunna padta hai, aisa nahi hai ki main apne parents ko naraz karke ja rahi thi par chod kar to ja hi rahi thi. par theek hai, ye sawal hamesha mere samne khada hoga aur ek bar soch liya to bas theek hai. For the very first time i booked my hotel room in banglore, bhai k ghar se jyada door nahi tha par still i was feeling weak, shyd fever ki wajah se. we landed in banglore, use baad wo apne ghar aur me apne hotel. Ek ajeeb sa phase tha wo, kyuki kuch samjh hi nahi aa rha tha, kuch mehsoos hi nahi ho rha tha, sab confusion me tha, shyd kyuki me abhi campus se aayi thi aur campus ki duniya bhar se puri alag, aate hi ek random plan pe aa jana, first time aleke rhna, par kuch bhi feel nahi ho rha tha, ha par soch liya tha ki agar jarurat padi to apna haryanvi roop jarur bhar nikal lungi. Hotel me check in karte hue jab bola ki akele ke liye hai to reception pe ajeeb sa reaction diya, par theek hai, mujhko bhi ajeeb hi lag rha tha. i went to the rom, sman bhi rakh diya, mummy ko phn bhi kar diya pohchne ka, next day frn k ghr jana tha, wo bhi baat ho gayi. Ab kya karu, samjh hi nahi aa rha tha. i texted one of my frn, and i can never forget what she told me, i told her about my fear and she replied: " Arey kuch nhi hota, mai kitni bar hotel me akeli rahi hu, aur tu to hmara sher hai, darna kaisa". yaar ye frns bhi kitne ajeeb hote hai na and this girl, we rarely talk par pta nahi jab bhi jarurat hoti hai, we end up helping each other and as always her words did the magic and It helped me a lot. 

Jab m campus me thi, tab apne dosto se mjak karti thi, ki mera sapna hai, ek hotel room book karu aur kuch nahi bas wha ke mulayam gaado (mattress) pe so jau. After talking to my frn, i gained my senses back aur socha ki ye wai sapna to hai jo pura hone ja rha hai, hotel room bhi hai, gadda bhi hai, mausam bhi acha hai, to kyu na sari tension bhula ke iss moment ka mja liya jaye. I kept all my worries in my trolley and took out the fresh cloths, i went to take bath with hot water, i dont know what it was, but this was the perfect bath i can ever have, perfect temperature of water. it was so soothing that i was not able to stop myself. after spending 45 minutes, i finally convinced myself that i will take it again in some time. Pta nahi fever ki wajah se ya kuch aur. After that amazing bath, i was checking my phone and randomly replied to one of my frn's status and i came to know he is also in Bangalore, staying nearby only. It was so random and unplanned, i thought, my life is giving me signals, beta sab unplanned hi hota hai, kuch bhi karlo. We decided to go out for dinner. He shared me one location and i was supposed to reach there in 10 mins. First i went out, saw a panipuri wala, i had it, it was tasty and different, then i went to all possible directions to understand where i have to go, finally, somehow i reached to the location. We went for typical Karnataka dinner. it was so awesome, i was not able to taste everything but still the feeling of having something totally new, old frn in new place, everything was so good. He dropped me to my hotel and after that whatever i promised to myself, i did, again i took bath for some 45 mins. it was so good. Finally i pilled all the pillows, joined both the single beds, packed everything for tomorrow and landed in my bed. I read none novel for 1 hour and then i slept. This was the most feverishly amazing day of my life. I might have cancelled this plan, i might have kept thinking about my worries, then i would not have enjoyed my day like this. So Don't think twice, just do it. This is how i started my south India trip, there is lots to reveal about this trip but yeah the start itself is worth sharing with everyone.