Chiraiya

 kya karu aisa ki mere papa mujhse pyar kare, meri izzat kare, kuch samjah nahi aata. Kai bar sochti hu mai ki maine aisa kya kiya hai ki mujhko har baat ki saja milti hai, mere kuch bhi bolne pe kyu itna gussa atta hai unko, kyu meri sidhi si baat bardast nahi hoti. Meri kya galti hai, kya gunah, bachpan se is sawal ka jawab dhund rahi hu, rab jane kab mai samjh paungi ya fir shayad mai samjhana hi nahi chahti. Nahi hota mujhse bardast, nahi sehan kar pati mai, itna gussa bhara hai mere andar iss baat ko leke ki jaise hi wo mere sath kuch karte hai mai chilla padti hu, ulta seedha bolti hu. Sabko meri galti dikhti hai par koi ye nahi sochta ki kaha se aaya itna gussa, kyu isse bardasht nahi hota. Chillane ke baad mai khud ro padti hu aur itna roti hu ki hisab nahi, jo hua uss wajah se nahi par ye soch soch kar ki ek insan kaise apne khud ke bache ke sath aisa kar sakta hai wo bhi sirf iss wajah se ki wo ladki hai. Rone ke baad jab dil halka hota hai to sochti hu kyu hu mai itni ziddi, kyu nahi bardast kar leti, duniya ki har ek ladki karti hai to mere ander wo bardast karne ki shakti kyu nahi aati. Kyu mai ladti hu aur ladne ke chakkar me unse ulta bolti hu, jitni bar bhi samjhau apne apko nahi samjh pati, akhir galti hi kya hai meri. Bahari duniya ko dekhti hu to lagta hai ki kya kuch nahi hota ladkio ke sath duniya me, chalo kam se kam mere sath wo to nahi hua, par fir sochti hu kya sirf atyachar bhot bada ho tabhi atyachar kehelata hai warna nahi, kya sirf physical torture hi torture hai mental nahi. Chota ho ya bada, galat kam to galat hi hai. Chahe unhone mujhko padhya, likhaya aur itna bada kiya par agar wo meri kadar nahi kar sakte to ye galat nahi hai. Mai ye soch kar to chup nahi raha sakti ki baki ladkio ko to ye bhi mauka nahi milta. Agar unko mauka nahi dena galat hai to mauka dene ke bad bekadri karna bhi to galat hai. Bohot log mujhko samjhane ki koshish karte hai hai , mai khud bhi karti hu apne apko samjhane ki par nahi hota, nahi samjh ata ki kyu mere papa mujhse pyar nahi karte aur agar karte hai to dikhane se darte kyu hai, kyu wo itna vishvas mujhpe nahi dikhate jitna wo mere bhai pe karte hai, kyu wo meri izzat nahi kar sakte, kya ladki hona itna bada gunah hai, paap hai, shayad ha, tabhi to har ek ladki kisina kisi roop me isko bardast kar rahi. Kabhi meri naukari , kabhi meri shadi ki umar, kabhi shadi ka kharcha itna bada sawal aur kashmakash kyu ban jata hai. Bata chhavi kya jawab hai tere pass iska, ye bote hi meri dost gusse aur dukh ki wajah se ro padi. Usko rota hua dekh kar meri ankhe bhi bhar aayi aur aaye kyu na kya galati hai uski shayad yahi ki wo ek ladaki hai. Pata hai itna gussa aata hai mujhko jab bhi mai aisa kuch sunti hu ya apne ass pass dekhti hu. Itna bebas aur lchar pati hu mai apne apko, mera maan karta hai ki mai zor zor se chilau ki " ha hu mai ladki aur naaz hai mujhko iss baat par" tum sab bhi karo apne ass pass wali ladkio par, kadar karo unki. Aur pata hai sabse jyada gussa unn ladkio par aata hai jo ye sab chup chap bardast kar leti hai ye soch kar ki ye to har ghar me hota hai, itna to bardast karna hi padta hai. Nahi, galat hai agar har ghar me hota hai to wo sai nahi hai, har ghar ko badalna hoga, chup rahne se kuch nahi hoga, ladna hoga. Meri aisi baate sunkar kai ladkiya bolti hai ki humko bolne se kya hoga, kisi stage par ja kar bolo,, hahahaha, bhasan nahi hai, gunheghar tum khud ho jo apne sath hone wala bartav sehan kar rahi ho. Mat karo. Maine aaj tak ek bhi jagah nahi dekhi jaha par ye fark na hota ho. Chahe wo cororate ho, entertainement ho, koi bhi field ye har jagah hai, kisina kisis roop me jarur kiya jata hai. Bohot si Aurte dekhi hai jo din bhar bhara ka kam karne ke baad ghar sambhalti hai aur raat ko apne pati se mar khati hai, sara din mehnat majdoori karne ke baad sabki jalile jhelti hai, kitni bachiya hai jo padhna chahti hai par unko mauka nahi milta to padh nahi pati hai, kitne log hai jo apne ghar ki aurto ko peete hai, kitne log apne ghar ki bahuo ko dahej ke liya jala dete hai, par kya sirf ye atyachar hai aur baki cheeze nahi. Kya ye umeed kaarna ki sara din kaam karne ke baad wo apne pati aur bacho ko khana de, apna ghar sambhale ye galat nahi hai,: kya ye galat nahi hai ki beto ko pyar aur betiyo ko fatkar mile, kya ye galat nahi hai ki padha likha kar shadi kardo aur apne carrier ko bhul jao, kya ye galat nahi hai ki hum apni mummy se khane ki umeed karte hai, unhi se sari aashaye rakhte hai par papa ko kabhi nahi kahate khana bana de, kya har baat pe ladki ko tokna ki aise chalo, zor se mat haso galat nahi hai kya ye galat nahi hai ki hum apni ladkio ko ghar se bahar nahi jane dete aur beto ko awara gardi karne bhej dete hai, kya ye galat nahi hai ki agar aurat ghar sambhalti hai to wo kisi layak nahi hai, kya ye galat nahi hai ki shadi ke bad jo pati khe wai pehena,, kya ye galat nahi hai apni ladkio ko bolna ki ghar ke decision me dakhal na de, kya ye galat nahi hai ladko ko pehle khana dena aur ladki ko badme, kya apni beti ki graduation ke baad padhi ye soch kar rok dena jyada padh legi to itna pdha likha ladka shadi ke liya nahi milega, kya ye baat galat nahi hai, ghar ke decision bhai aur papa lenge ye baat galat nahi hai, apni beti se umeed karna ki wo hi maa ka hath bataye beta nahi, ye bhi galat hai. Hai galat, bilkul galat hai, chahe chote ho par ye bhi atyachar hai. Agar 1 lakh rupaye kamane wale ladke ki maa apne ghar ke bartan manj sakti hai to ek lakh rupaye kamane wala ladka kyu nahi. Kyu ladki ko apna carrier ki bali kabhi apne ghar walo ki wajah se, kabhi pati ki wajah se aur kabhi bacho ki wajah se deni padti hai, kisine pucha usse ki wo kya chahti hai, usko ky passand hai, nahi bas ek vakya bolna seekh liya ki aurte sehesheelta ki devi hoti hai aur iski add me aap kitna hi atya char karlo wo bardast kar legi aur karna bhi chahiye. Excuse me bhai sahab, kabhi apne humse pucha ki sehen karna chahte bhi hai ya nahi ya fir khud hi apni galtio ko chupane ke liye hume ek tag de diya, nahi chahiye, nahi karna sehen, kaunsa insan kahega ki haa bhai karo mujhpe atyachar, mai to bani hi isike liye hu, socho thoda. Aur jo log bolte hai ki ladki ka rape hua ya acid attack kyuki wo galat jagah pe thi, wo galat time pe bahar thi ya fir usne galat kapde pehne the , to bhai sahab galat uss ladki ke kapde , uska bhar hona nahi, galat apki soch hai warna 2 saal ki ladkio ke ghar em balatkar nahi ho rahe hote. Kuch log aur bhi mahan hai jo ye bolte hai ki agar meri ladki aise kam kare to mai usko zinda jala du, to uncle ji apne andar ke admi hone ke ghamand ko jalaiye, kyuki galat uska ladki hona nahi balki apka apne ladke ko galat cheezo pe sath dena hai. HUmko ladkio ko ghar ke andar band karne ki jarurat nahi par unko shaktishali banan hoga taki wo apne bachav ke liye apne bhai ka intazar na kare aur khud apne liye ladd sake. ladko ko ladkio ki izzat karna sikhana hoga, agar pati kam karke aaya hai to patni bhi, dono ko milkar karna chahiye, agar aurt bahar ja kar kam karna chahti hai to usko rokna nahi balki badhava dena chahiye. Kyu agar kabhi gar me ladki paida hoti hai to log kahate hai lakshmi hui, bolo durga paida hui hai jo apne khilaf atyacharo se khud ladegi, hum usko itna majboot aur kabil banaenge ki usko kisi ke sahare ki jarurat nahi pade. 

Aksar log bolte hai ki meri stories bohot lambi hoti hai par kya karu ye topic itna sensitive hai ki chahu to puri kitab likh dalu. Hum chahe kitne bhi modern ho jaye, atyachar hota hai ladkio par bas atyachar karne ka dhang badal jata hai. Kabhi ek second nikalo aur socho ki kab kaise aur kaha humne khud kisina kisi aurat pe atyachar kiy hai, chahe wo kisi bhi roop me ho. aur agar apko ehsas ho ki ha ajnae me hi kiya hai to please unko jake sorry bolo aur gaale laga lo. EK bar apne as pass wali aurto ko thodi izzat deke dekho wo khud hi apko apne sir ka taj bana legi. Mai ye nahi kaha rahi ki ladko ke sath kuch nahi hota ya unke sath kuch bura nahi hota par aap khud socho ki har waqt apko apno se hi ladna padta hai. Hum duniya se to tab ladenge jab apne khud ke ghar wale bahar walo ko mauka denge, i think nahi, to utho aur jao aur apni mummy, didi, bhabhi, dadi, bua, chachi, beti, ya dost jisko bhi jante ho usko sorry bolo aur thodi kadar karo unki, izzat karo. Waise hi duniya me bohot udasi chai hui hai par mai lecture nahi dena chahti par agar ek bhi insan ki soch ladkio ke prati badal pau to mai samjhungi ki mera janam lena safal ho gaya. 

Chiraiya nahi hu, baaz hu, udne to do ek baar, badlo se bhi upar pohoch ke dikhaungi.  

Jana anjana sa safar

Ek din jab main saman lekar bazar se ghar aa rahi thi to darwaje ke peeche chupe hue mere bhai ne chilaya :" Dhappa !!!! darr gayi , darr gayi", ye sunke ek sec ke liye to meri heart beat skip hui par usko kha pata chalna tha ki main actually me darr gayi thi. Darr sabko lagta hai, kisiko ko chuhe se , kisko coacroah se, kisko height se, kisiko speed se, kisiko pani se. Bhot sare logo ko chipkali se, bhot se logo ko andhere se. Bhot prakar ke darr hai is duniya me, jo kisi na kisi insan ke dil aur dimag me samaye hue hai. Mujhko har cheez se darr lagta hai (literally har cheez se). Mujhko to unn cheezo se bhi darr lagta hai jisse kisi aur ko nahi lagta. par pehle main aisa nahi bolti thi, agar koi mujhse puchta tha ki kis cheez se darr lagta hai to main jawab deti thi ki bhooto ko chod kar har cheez se, ye sunkar samne wala puchta tha ki bhooto se kyu nahi lagta, to main bolti thi ki lagta hai par agar main sochu uss bare me to. Agar na sochu to raat ko 2 baje bhi akele chatt par ghoom leti hu aur sochlu to logo se bhare kamre me bhi darr lagta hai. 

Hamare campus me ek jagah hai jaha se pura campus dikhta hai aur sahi me view kafi acha hota hai. Waha janne ke liye thodi pahadi types chadhni padti hai. To aise hi ek sham hum 6, 7 logo ne socha ki chalo waha chalte hai. Already thoda late ho gaya tha par koi na kafi log the to kya hi fark padta hai. Hum chalna shuru kiye hi the ki itne me main thak gayi, meri speed ki wajah se sabki speed kam ho gai thi. Badi mushkil se thak thakate hue hum log pohoch gaye. Waha se campus bhot sundar dikh raha tha, kuch dosto ko photography ka shauk bhi tha to wo log photos click karne me lag gaye. Hum logo ne thoda time waha spend kiya aur fir socha ki chalo wapis chalte hai. chadhna mushkil hota hai par utarna nahi to sab apni masti me lage hue the. Hum log adhe raste bhi nahi pohoche ki kafi andhera ho gaya tha, andhera pura nahi par aisa ki kuch dikhai na de. Ek dost ko maja aane laga tha to usne bhooto ki baate shur kar di. Bolta socho agar hum neeche pohoche, aur pohchte hi ehsas ho ki hum firse wai pohoch gaye hai jaha se shuru kiya tha. Ye baat sunte hi mere andar ka thaka hua insan bola, : Main bar bar nahi utarungi, agar aisa hua to agli bar seedha roll ho jaungi aur neeche pohoch jaungi. Meri ye baat sunke mera dost hass pada, bolta ki matlab tumko ye tension nahi hai ki ye kaise hua, kya hua par tumko ye tension hai ki tumko firse utarna padega. Ye baat sunkar sab log hasne lage. Fir kisine kaha ki aisa hua hai kisi movie me. KAfi andhera ho gaya tha, aur andhera bhi ekdum bilkul andhera nahi tha par aisa sa jisse vision blurred ho jaye. Ab mujhe darr lagne laga tha, na idhar dekha na udhar aur apni ankho ka best istamal karte hue sirf aur sirf aage ke raste pe focus kiya. Soch to mai aise rahi thi jaise agar main nahi dekhungi idhar udhar to bhoot bhi mujhko kuch nahi kahega (hahahahaha). Fir thodi der me firse wai dost bola, socho agar tum peeche mud kar dekho aur tumko, tumhari shakal ka koi aata dikhai de to kya karogi??? Arey abhi tak to sirf dhadkan tez honi shuru hui thi par ye baat sunkar to dil aise dhadak raha tha ki thoda aur , to bas seene se bahar hi nikal jaega. Maine iss baat ko unsuna karne ki koshish ki . Baki sabne bhi ye baat majak me taal di par meere ander ek chull bhi to thi, ki ek bar dekh to lu, to maine bhot himmat juta karke apna muhh thoda saa peche ki taraf moda. Kafi andhera hone ki wajah se kuch bhi theek se dikhai nahi de raha tha, par ek ajjeb sa saya peeche se aage ki taraf aata hua dikhai diya. shit!!! meri to wahi jaan nikal gayi. AAaaaaaaa, mai bhot zor se chilai apne dimag me. Socha bolu dosto ko par laga ki ek baar dubara dekhlu kai wahem to nahi aur maine firse mud kar dekhne ki koshish ki to dekha mera ek dost jo sabse peeche tha wo aage aa raha tha, Shit ye dekh kar meri to jan nikal bhi gayi aur bach bhi gayi. Maine apne dost ko itni galiya di ki wo bhi sochne laga ki isko kya ho gaya hai. Ab dusra dost bolta ki tumko itna darrr kyu lag raha hai, hum sab sath hi to hai, agar jyada darr lag raha hai to mera hath pakad lo. Ab to bas bhagwan se yai prarthana kar rahi thi ki "hey bhagwan, hum sab sai salamt hostel pohoch jaye to  apki kripa hogi." Thodi der shant hone ke baad fir maine bola, waise mujhko hanuman chalisa aati hai. Hahahahaha karke sabhi hasne lage. Mera daar bhagane ke chakkar me dost bolta ki hunman chalisa hi kyu? maine bola aati to mujhko durga chalisa bhi hai. Wo bolta arey, itne busy bhagwan ko yaad karogi to wo tumhari help kaise karenege, ye wale bhot busy hai, koi aise bhagwan ji ko dhundo jo thoda free ho to tumhari madad kar sake. Ye sunte hi hum sab hass pade. AB theek to lag raha tha par darr mere dil aur dimag me samaya hua tha. Thodi der me hum hostel pohoch gaye. Pohochne ke baad hum sab bhul gaye aur apne apne kaamo me mast ho gaye.

Kyuki itni mehnat jo ki thi maine, to socha aaj thoda jaldi so jau. Aur mai so gayi, thodi hi der me, maine apne apko uss paahdi ke upar pati hu. Shit !!! Ye kya ho gaya , kaha aa gayi me , yaha kaise poch gayi, abhi to thodi der pehle hostel me thi. Kuch samajh nahi aa rha tha aur jitna darr tab nahi laga usse jyada darr ab lag raha tha. Ek taraf pahadi jungle tha aur dusri taraf, jagali khayi. Jab tak me kuch soch pati aur samajh pati, itni der me mere dil me khayal aaya ki iss jaagh to main apne dosto ke sath aayi thi, wo sab kaha hai? Mai unko idhar udhar djhundne lagi. Kuch na dikhai dene pe meri ankho se aansu behne laage. Itna darr zindagi me kabhi nahi laga tha jitna darr abb lag raha hai. Shit!!! ab main kya karu, mere baukhlaye dimag ne bola, koi nahi, jo bhi hai, jaisa bhi hai, iss situation se nikalne ki koshish karte hai. To itna soch aur samjh kar maine niche utarna shuru kiya, darr ke mare mere paav kapne laage the, gala buri tarah se sukh raha tha, dil ki dhadkan itni tez ki kisiko bhi dur se sunai de jaye. Andhera, sanata, aur ur dur tak koi bhi nahi. Maine ladkhadate hue kisi tarah neeche ki aur jana shuru kiya. Thodi hi dur pohochi thi, to mujhko kuch logo ke hasne, bolne ki awaz sunai di, jaise ki kuch logo ka group ja raha ho. Ye awaz mere liye ek asha ki kiran ki tarah thi, mai shayad yaha akeli nahi hu aur log bhi hai, meri raftar tez ho gayi aur mai jaldi jaldi neeche utarne lagi. Un logo ki awaz aur zor se aane alagi, ab aawaze kuch clear hone lagi thi. Kuch jani pechani awaze thi. Thoda aur kareeb jake dekha to mujhko apna ek dost dikhayi diya jiske sath sham ko hi main yaha par aayi thi. Mai usko zor zor se pukarne lagi. zor zor se awaz dene ke sath sath meri raftar aur tez ho gayi taki mai apne dost ke pass poch saku. Mai itni zor zor se usko awaz de rahi thi par fir bhi sun nahi pa raha tha, to socha thoda aur tez chalu aur uske pass pohoch jau. Mere ladkhadate kadam, dost ke pass pohochne ki aasha, meri awz us tak pochnake ke josh ke sath mai aage badhti gayi. AB mai uske kareeb hi thi aur maine uska naam pukara to usko kuch ehsas to hua, usne peeche mudkar mujhko dekha aur aage ki aur bhagne laga. Usko aise dekhkar mai aur ghbra gayi aur apne apko bebas aur lachar mehsus karne lagi. AB dimag me ye swal tha ki usne mujhko dekh kar bhi undekha kyu kar diya aur merse durr kyu bhagne laga. Ye janne ke chakkar me main aur tzez chanlne lagi, aage aakar dekha ki mera sara group jinke sath me sham ko aayi thi, wo sab hai.  Main ek ek karke sabko puarne lagi par kpi mujhko sun kyu nahi paa raha tha, meri samjh me kuch bhi nahi aaya. Gaur se dekhne pe meri ankhe khuli ki khuli raha gayi, uss group ke beech me ek ladki thi darri hui si jo bilkul meri tarah dikh rahi thi. Ye dekh kar meri ankho se zor zor se aansu behne lagge aur mai apne dosto ka naam uar zor se chilane lagi. Itna bebas aur lachar mehsus kar rahi thi mai apne apko, ki sabke hote hue bhi koi mere sath nahi hai, koi mereko sun nahi paa raha aur nahi koi meri madaad le liye hai. kuch bhi samjh nahi aa raha tha, kya karu , kaha jau, kisse maadad lu, me yaha kaise hu kaun hu, mai sach hu ya wo ladki jo inke sath chl rahi. ye log to sab wai baate kar arhe hai jo sham ko hum log kar rahe the. Iss baat ne to mujhko aur dara diya. BHot chilla chill kar rone lagi, kuch mehsus nahi ho raha tha , aisa lag raha tha mano ki shareer hai hi nahi. Thodi der rone ke baad maine apna hosh sambhala aur socha ki chod in sabko, main jaldi jaldi neeche jati aur iss agah se bhar nikla jati. Main ab daudne lagi thi, mere paisro me ek ajeeb si shakti aa gayi thi. Thodi hi dur pe mujhko bhar ka rsta dikhayi de raha tha, mere chere pe ab ek muskan thi ki chalo jo bhi hua, kuch samjh nahi aya par ab main apne hostel ja sakti hu aur iss jagah se bahar nikal sakti hu. Jaise hi main neeche pochne wali thi to ekdum se mujhko thoda sa chakakar aaya, par main sambhal gayi, socha ki daudne ki wajah se aisa hua, thoda khadi ho jati hu. EK do sec me jab theek laaga, to maine aass pass dekha aur dekhte hi mere hosh udd gaye, chehra peela pad gaya. MAine dekha ki main firse uss pahadi ke upar pohoch gayi hu jaha se maine shuruat ki thi. Ye dekhte hi maine bohot zor se chilaaya : Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Itne me hi mujhko ek dastak sunai di.

Mere room ke darwaze pe dastak hui. Dastak sunte hi meri neend khul gayi. Neend khulte hi maine dekha ki mera takiya pura giila hua hi, meri ankho se aansu nikla rahe hai aur mere dil ki dhadkan kafi tez ho rakhi hai. Uth to mai gayi thi par abhi bhi mai hosh me nahi thi, mera dimag abhi bhi wai soch raha tha aur mere sapne ke sadme me tha. Firse darwaze pe zor se dastak hui, mai aur darr gayi, ab lag raha tha ki kai mere darwaje pe mere jaise dikhne wali ladki to nahi, Mere darwaja kholte hi wo bole, aur aa gayi ahadi se. Ab itna darr lag raha tha, ki bas susu hi nikalne wlaa tha, itne me hi meri ek dost i awaz aayi. Badi himmat karke, khade ho kar maine darwaja khola. Apni dost ko dekh kar me foot foot kar rone lagi. Usko gale lagaya uar zor zor se rone lagi. USko kuch samjh nahi aa rha tha ki kya ho raha hai mere sath, mai kyu itna ro rahi hu. Usne mujhko pyar se puchkarne ke baad pucha, kya hua tereko kyu ro rahi hai, aur thodi der pehle tu baki logo ka naam lekar chilla kyu rahi thi  Mai wash room ja rahi thi to jaate jaate tere chillane ki awaz sunai di to socha puch lu kya hua(mera room washroom se next wala hi tha). Hosh sambhalte hue maine usko apna pura sapna bataya, sunkar wo hassi bhi shuruat me par meri halat dekh kar darr bhi gayi thi. Mereko shant karne ke chakkkar me usne bola ki koi baat nahi, bura sapna tha, dimag me wai sab chal raha tha isiliye tumko ye sapna aaya. Apne apko ko apne kamre me dost ke pass pakar jo sukoon mil raha tha wo mai bayan bhi nahi kar pa rahi. Usne mujhko pani pilaaya aur apne room se e chotu se ganpati ji diye, bola darr lage to inko yaad karlena. 

Uss din ke baad se ab mujhko harr cheez se darr lagta hai, apne aap se bhi.