After a while, I felt like writing something. This was mostly because I got some free time today. I am not well and took a leave from the office. I was all alone in pg and how long I could have used my phone so i thought of writing something.
I have had 102 fever since this morning and I was using my phone as it was the only convenient option. While scrolling my phone I saw my gmail account was out of storage. I tried cleaning some space but whatsapp backup took most of it, so I thought about deleting the chats of the people I am not in contact with anymore. I was scrolling down my whatsapp chat and suddenly I saw the name Osh and I stopped there. This name took me to a flashback of a very good old memory that I had when I was studying.
I have never been in a romantic relationship mostly because of my own insecurities. I always used to think that people could not love me or admire me, they would only make fun of me. No one can ever like me for what I am. So even if someone approaches me, I used to run away from them. But you know what it is not always about liking someone romantically or finding someone attractive. Sometimes you meet people randomly and they just click. I do not know what you call that feeling but I know it is amazing whatever it is. Something similar happened to me in 2016.
I was in my first year of M.E. in one of the renowned colleges of chandigarh. It used to take me 5.5 to 6 hours to reach my hometown from Chandigarh by bus. I used to travel back home every friday evening and come back on monday morning. This was my first time away from my home. The other reason was my dad, he used to call me and ask me to come home and i never knew how to say no to him. I also understand their situation as my brother was already staying away from home and now I was also staying outside my hometown so they used to feel lonely. This was my sole motivation to do so. I used to pack almost all my clothes every time I went home. I have no explanation but that is how I was.
I was very specific about my travel, I used to always take haryana roadways and not only that, I used to sit on the window seat just behind the driver`s seat. Haryana roadways are best and fastest plus the window makes the journey much better and behind the driver`s seat there is enough room for the trolley and my leg.
One of the Fridays I was getting late to board the bus so I randomly kept my clothes in the trolley and rushed towards the bus stop.That day a guy was sitting on that seat. I was disappointed, so instead of asking him to move, I thought of asking a girl sitting in the next row. So the next row does not have enough leg room so I thought I would sit on the aisle side and hold my trolley. So i asked that girl to move inside but she denied. I got angry but later I thanked her in my mind because if she would have given me that seat this all would have never happened.
Now I decided and finally asked that guy to give me the window seat and he was very polite and humble, he not only gave me his seat but also handled my trolley bag. Now I was sitting on my favourite seat and as usual I slept. But I woke up after 45 mins which never happens to me. I have a cold and I do not have any handkerchief or towel to wipe it. I had a towel in my trolley but it was not in my vicinity. I was skeptical to ask him as if I asked him to help me, he would have seen all my innerwears as they were the ones I packed at last, so I somehow managed. I was not feeling sleepy anymore. After some time I took out my laptop from my laptop bag and started making a ppt. I do not know why, why I was doing so. I never use my laptop on the way and I was making ppt for something which is not even required. God knows why I act so stupid sometimes but this stupidity has been useful many times. This time also it helped in starting the conversation.
I was typing the title of the ppt, BIOFUELS and was thinking about what to do next. Suddenly a voice from my left side came, 'u should not use your laptop as u are sitting on the window seat and it will get dirty'. I was not expecting any conversation but then i replied in the most cliched way, 'are u a software engineer'? To which he replied, "Yes, I work at Amazon'. Hmmm and then I kept my laptop in my bag and started looking out of the window. I was thinking of asking his name out of curiosity but then I resisted and kept looking out of the window. I just dropped the thought and at that moment only he turned towards me and asked my name. I was surprised and happy at the same time. I felt Wow, does he know how to read minds? There was something happening in my stomach, maybe those were the butterflies that people talked about. I was thinking about it and he asked my name and introduced himself. It might sound very lame but the moment was magical.
He told me his name is OSH. I was surprised as it was a weird name and I asked him ‘ye kaisa naam hua'? He told, his dad is a big fan of the great philosopher Osho and hence he named him osh. I used to be dumb back then and mostly not aware of most of such stuff. But you know what, I never felt ashamed admitting it. So I told him I am not aware of who Osho is but I will read about him for sure.
The conversation was in bits and pieces initially. After every small talk, I turned my face towards the window. I turned my face towards the window. Now I was more curious and wanted to know more about him. My mind was constantly asking me to ask him, What does he do? But I never wanted to sound desperate and leading the conversation was a sign of desperation back then, so I was a bit hesitant. But something else was planned and he asked me the same question, what do u do? Again, seriously, more butterflies, hahahaha, am I dreaming or is it really happening? I told him that I am a post-grad student. To which he replied that, 'you already know i am working with amazon in bangalore'. I asked him but then why chandigarh, he said he was getting a cheaper flight for chandigarh and now going to his hometown.
This time the conversation went a bit longer and then again I turned to the window. I was feeling happy and my mood was uplifted. Whatever was happening was new to me and was pleasant as well. I was hesitant but happy. I guess he also sensed the same. To continue he said, 'can we talk’? He further added that, ' it was a long flight and i have not talked to anyone since morning’. This statement was quite welcoming and sufficient enough to remove my hesitation and then we started talking.
Hesitation was gone. I was comfortable enough to ask him for help. It was the most appropriate time to ask him for the trolley. I was tired of hiding my runny nose and wiping it out with my hands or the corner of my top. So instead of being untidy, I decided to ask him to hand over my trolley bag. He helped me.Now i was very very comfortable and was ready for really long conversations.
We talked about a lot of things. I remember us discussing my anger issues, his drinking problem. He saw the screen of my phone and sensed that I have anger issues. I said, ‘You should not be very angry. It is very clear from your phone screen'. I tried convincing him that I keep dropping my phone here and there and that is the reason behind the broken screen. But he somehow managed to convince me that it was only my anger. He showed me his one olus phone,and suggested that I buy a similar one.
When I asked him, what does he do on weekends? He told me that he drinks and goes out with friends for a party. At that time I was not aware of this world of drinking and partying and I used to think that it is a bad habit to drink and smoke. I used to stay away from the people who used to do that. I even showed my disappointment to his drinking and clubbing. We were literally discussing it as if my opinion mattered and he was convincing me that he does it very occasionally. It was weird and different. It was 3.5 hours since we were talking, actually not talking, now we were teasing each other, discussing different topics and even fighting as if we were very close friends and have known each other since ages.
I do not know about him but i did not realise anything. I was totally unaware of my surroundings and a small pause brought me back to the real world. This time I realised we were still on the bus. When we started talking, there were a bunch of people but now it is fully loaded and all of them are looking at us because we were laughing, smiling, talking loudly. I guess other than me, him, the other girl, bus driver and conductor, no one knew that this was our first meeting or our first conversation.
Again I turned my head towards the window but this time I was not curious but satisfied. I felt nice as if my heart had a very nice and large meal. It felt like an achievement as I felt more confident now. The conversations were aimless and flawless. It made me feel special and gave me courage to think good about myself. Isn't it amazing, i never thought of it when i was starting from chandigarh but it was literally magical in its own way.
He offered me a dairy milk silk (bigger one). So people who know me, know how much I love chocolates. It is really very hard for me to say no to chocolates and I think i have never done it ever till now. My heart was pounding and craving for the chocolate. It felt like I should grab it as soon as possible. PS: I do not buy, do not share and do not give chocolates. My heart was full of tears and my eyes were glittering but I did not know what to say and how to react so the easiest way was saying no. Yes I said no to the choclate and the reason I gave was very lame. I was not able to think of anything in such a short time. There were so many thoughts all together, it was hard to process so I made up a reason that I have a cold and I cannot have chocolate if I have a cold. After saying it sounded so lame in my mind and again he sensed it and asked the same question, ‘What is the relation between chocolate and cold’? He insisted also by saying that he got it free from his office. But I was adamant and stupid and I said no to it.
God, how can I do it, how can I say no to a chocolate. There are only two scenarios in my life where I regret not taking the chocolate. One when I went to give the neet exam. I bought a chocolate but the examiner took it away from me and said that u can have it after the exam. I forgot to take it back. The second time is saying no to Osh. I am not obsessed with chocolates but I love them. I love them a lot.
My stop came. I was supposed to get down and he also accompanied me as it was the last stop. He helped me in taking my luggage down as well. I was happy and my heart was full of joy. It was my time to show some courage and ask for his contact number. But again hesitated. I was hoping for the same scenario that happened before. He will read mind and he himself will ask for it but he did not. We shook hands and the moment he was about to say something, I saw my dad waiting for me.I did not want him to see both of us together. So I started walking towards my dad.
I was happy, very very happy. Whenever I am this happy I want to share it with people. I was waiting to go back to college and tell my friends about it. But I feel I should have asked him for his number. Sadly, it did not happen. But this is not the end. I went back to college and told my friends about this beautiful incident in detail. They were also happy and excited but they were taking it in a romantic way. I was not, They started teasing me but i was content as i was not expecting anything.
Facebook was very popular back then and was the most used social media platform. I thought of searching for him and guess what i found him. It was not very difficult as there were only 2 people with that name. One was him and the other one to my surprise was his sister (Osha). I was thinking of sending him a request but I did not. I never knew why I kept resisting myself. Maybe because of fear, insecurities. A friend of mine suggested that I send the request as it is not a very big thing. I still remember her exact words. 'Sometimes u meet people, you click and then you become friends, there is nothing wrong in it.’ I sent him the request and guessed what he would accept within 10 minutes as if he was also waiting for me to send him the request. We talked once or twice, exchanged our numbers as well. But we hardly connected over the phone.
This was one of the best memories I have so far. I do not want to forget it ever. I was not expecting anything or was not attracted to him but you know sometimes you meet people randomly. One small conversation, one meeting or just a call gives you some of the best memories of your life. It was one of them. Last year, I texted him and got to know that I was not only one who remembers the incident but he also does. So I think it was magical for both of us.
