South India trip

 

Dosti jitna chota shabd, utna hi bada ehsas hai. Jitna isko samajhane ki koshish karo utna hi har daffa hairan kar deta hai. Badi alag kism ki prajati hoti hai ink logo ki, kahi par bhi, kisi bhi haal me(genrally jhalle), kisi bhi roop me mil jate hai, bas der hai to unko pehchanne ki. Mere pass bhi hai aise hi kuch namune, bhot khass hai, dil k bhot pass hai, ha ab jyada baat nahi hoti par pta hai jab bhi jarurat hogi, they will be there always. Me bhi shayad unnmese ek namuna hu. Har kisi k sath alag type ki dosti hai, alag rishta hai. To Aisa hi kuch rishte ke bharose maine apna baki soutn india trip shuru kiya. To ab apna pehla din banglore me bitane ke baad, mujhko salem jana tha apni dost ke ghar. 

Ek din akele bitane ke baad ek alag sa hi confidence tha ki ab to kahi bhi, kaise bhi chali jaungi. Idhar udhar dekha, fir breakfast krke, apne frn k liye mithai lene ki koshish krne ke baad m pohoch gyi bus stand. Ab pohoch to gayi par jana kha hai samjh nahi aa rha, kaunsi wali bus meri hai, kis jagah se milegi thoda confusing tha aur fir tamil bhi itni hi aati thi ki bas namaste bol saku (Vanakam), but meri frn pura time mere sath phone par mujhko guide kar rahi thi aur usne driver as well as conductor se baat bhi ki, aur thode hi ghanto me mai salem pohoch gayi. EK chota sa sheher, ekdam meri city jaisa, dur chote pahad, aur barsat ka mausam, bhot acha tha aur apni frn aur uske papa ko dekh kar aur bhi acha lag rha tha. It was such a pleasant welcome, tha to mere sheher jaisa hi par thoda alag, alag alag rang ke ghar, har ghar k bhar bani hui rangoli (jo mujhko lagta tha painted hai), red color ke kele, bhot sare coconut, mogre k phool balo m lagai hui aunties, lungi pehne hue uncle, (hahahaha) Sab alag tha fir bhi apna sa. Ye sab dekhte dekhte m apni friend ke ghar pohich gayi. Mai amma, appa se mili thi pehle bhi par aaj thoda alag lag rha tha aur bhot acha bhi. Hum ghar par teen din tak rahe kyuki mereko urgent kuch kaam aa gya tha, still my frn and her parents managed to entertain me, Appa got local cold drink, bhajji, banana pakora , amma made me world's best rasam, now also i miss it, dad use to make coffee daily for us and my frn use to make dosa whenever i tell her that i am hungry (literally anytime like 2 A.M. also). Appa got us everything with the thought of introducing south india to me as i was new to the place, he was trying to get all good things but who knew that i will be staying there for long time, longer than i planned. After staying for 3 days and finishing my work, we planned to go out of the house to see near by places, kovil (temple), a friend's place ( meri dost ki dost), we even went to a restaurant where we had lots of food. We decided to stay for one more day at home and then start for kerala. we planned to go and buy a kanchipuram saree for my mom as a sovenier as she is very fond of it and welcomed our one more friend from college who stays in tamil nadu only but very far from salem. It was a nice day and a reunioun after 3 months of finishing M.Tech.

To ab mera trip shuru hone wala tha, agle hi din hum kerala ki liye nikal gaye. Trip ki shuruat me hi maine thoda coconut milk faila diya (hahahaha), literally faila diya, appam par. Ratse me jab hum breakfast k liye ruke to nayi dish khayi jiska naam tha appam. Friend ke mana karne ke bavajud order to kar liya par ab samajh nahi aa rha tha isko khate kaise hai, wo ek round bowl jaisa kuch tha jiske sath me white color ka koi liquid katori me diya hua tha. Meri shakal dekh kar meri friend ne bola, mana kiya tha na mangane ko, mai bhi jiddi, bola yai khaungi. Dusri frined ne btaya ki ye coconut milk hai, isko appam me dal kar khate hai (dekha kha tha na fala diya coconut milk). wo itna meetha tha ki samjh nahi aa rha tha breakfast hai khane k baad khane wali sweet dish. Chalo jaise taise kar ke kha liya, gussai hui frn ko merepe taras aaya aur usne apna dosa bhi share kar liya. I had best memories of food in kerala. See kerala is very nice except food, atleast mere liye, aur ye to sirf shuruat thi. 

Kyuki salem tamil nadu aur kerala ke border ke pass hi tha, to hume jyada time nahi laga ur hum kerala pohoch gaye, waha par appa ne home stay book kiya hua tha. "wow" it was so good, food was homemade and awesome. Hot drinking water, cold weather plus we three friends, we didnt do anything different, but it was so awesome, wai gupshup, college ki baate, hindi tamil ki ladai. Aur kya chahiye jinee k lye, bas 2 dost. 

Kerala is so awesome, so beautiful and so full of nature, once u go there, for sure u will fall in love with it. We went to so many places such as periyar national park and all other places. It was so beautiful, so good weather, har waqt barish, meri frns aur unka camera, meri cameraman cum friend, meri photos, pagalpanti wale poses, dosa, bandar, and jeera water. Sab bohot acha tha, sab sai cha rha tha except of "parota and veg kurma" made in coconunt milk. Barish ki wajah se vegetarian options kam the aur ye unme se best option. You will not belive maine 2 din subh sham wai khaya aur wo din hai aur aaj ka din maine kabhi kurma dubara taste nahi kiya. see point ye hai ki ek to m north indian upar se vegetarian, kasam se rone hi lagi thi mai, par meri dost as always was there to save me dosa. Do din kurma aur dilkhush jagah pe bitane k baad fir hum munnar ki aur chale gaye, hum ratse me hi the ki bhaad (flood) ki condition ho gayi. Wow, ye to shayad koi bhi plan nahi karta, maine bhi nahi socha tha par kyuki maine aaj tak flood nahi dekha tha and i know dekhne ki cheez bhi nahi hai, par wo daar, wo pareshani, har ratsa pani me duba hua, car band hone ka khatra, salem wapis na pohochpane ka khauf, sab bhot alag tha. Hum jis bhi ratse pe ja rhae the, thodi der me hi wha pura pani bhar ja raha tha, mujhko chod kar sab pareshan the, appa aur amma sabse jyada kyuki humari responsibility bhi unke upar thi, par me to apni hi dhun m mast, itna sara pani dekh kar khush ho rahi thi (so stupid of me). Kisi traha, ratsa badal badal kar, hum kerala ki baadh se nikal kar tamil nadu me aa gaye, Safe and sound. Main to mast kharate maar kar so rahi thi, baki sab preshan, thoda flood ki wajah se, thoda travelling aur hectic hone ki wajah se. Chalo jo bhi tha, ab jaise taise hum ghar pohochne wale the. Ab aage kya karna hai ye sochna baki tha, issse pehle m kuch soch pati, tabhi hi ratse me mere ek aur dost ka phone aa gya jine meri duniya palat di.

Ek M.Tech ka batchmmate hai mera, jhalla sa jo hamra placememnt coordinator bhi tha, to mai usko sara time pareshan karti rhati thi ki kai job dilwa, kai job dilwa. Thode dino pehle hi mujhko pta chala tha ki wo kisi chennai ki company me kaam kar rha hai, to usko maine phone karke majak me bola ki "kya bhai, khudki job lga li, hmara kya hoga." Iss baat ka jawab dene ke liye uss din wapis aate hue uska call aaya. Phone uthane pe bola ki meri comapny me vacancy hai, apply karle agar chennai me rhna sai lage to. Ok i was not prepared for it yet. mai to bhot halke me sab le rahi thi ki abhi to bhot ghumenge fir main aram se bangalore jake kisi pg me rahungi, dar dar thokre kha kar job dhundingi, par ye kya, it was like a shock. Usne btaya ki abhi 2 months k contract par hai, try karle agar acha laga to theek warna chod dena. Acha aur bura lagne se pehle mujhko chennai jake test dena tha aur interview wagera sab clear karna tha, to usko maine pucha ki kab aa jau, to bola ki kal hi aaja, better rahega. Ok, i was thinking of thinking about it later, par isne to sochne ka mauka hi nahi diya aur bola kal hi aa ja, ab iss duvidha me thi main ki agar nahi gayi to aage se usko job k liye bhi nahi bol paungi aur upar se job profile bhi sai lag rha tha, to socha kya pta yai sai ho par still i was confused and not sure. Maine apni dosto ko btaya to unhone bola, u should give a try, agar nahi hua to bhi experience ho jaega, u should decide about joining later, once u clear it. Abhi wo jo bol rahe the sai to lag rha tha par daar bhi lag rha tha. Abhi tak banglore me bhai tha, salem me dost par chennai, ye to mere plan me tha hi nahi, ab iska kaise, kab aur kya karu, kuch bhi samjh nahi aa rha tha. Ek bar laga ki mere dost mujhse pareshan ho gaye hai, isiliye jane ko bol rahe hai. Par fir laga , nahi, mere bhale ke liye hi bol rahe hai. Ab ghar pohoch gaye, naha liya, kha bhi liya par ab ek ajeeb si confusion hai mere dilo dimag me, kya main kar paungi, kya mai rha paungi, papa ne bhi mna kiya bolte koi future nahi hai, wha kaise rahegi and all, unn sabko to main samjha leti agar main khud kuch samjh pati. Itna socha ki soch soch kar ghutno me dard ho gya (hahahaha, jsut kidding) aur soch to aise rahi thi ki jaise job mil gayi hai. Jab main khud kuch decide nahi kar ati tomin apna decision duniya pe chod deti hu, matlab apne dosto aur well wishers se discuss karti hu kya karna chahiye. Jisne job ka btaya tha usse baat ki, baki saab se baat ki abhi bhi kuch samjh nahi aa rha tha, fir maine bhramaastra nikala aur maine apni mummy se baat ki, she is ultimate, meer har dukh duvidha aur dard ka ilaj hai wo aurat (hahahha), unko pucha kya karu to bolti hai, "mai kya btau kya karna hai, tu khud decide kar ki tune apni life me kya karna hai, humne tumko iss layak bna diya hai ki tum apne decision khud le sako", sunke thoda dhakka laga, pta hai thodi kadak hai par help jarur karengi (akhir maa ksiki hai) isiliye main chup rahi. After a pause she told, why are u scared, tu job karne hi wali thi na banglore me, wha kaun hota sath, kisike bharose karna ka plan tha, nahi na, kyu itni pareshan hai, pehle try to kar, agar mil jati hai, tab badme sochna." It hit me hard, my mom is always like this, my sole supporter, chahe ho jaye hamesha mere sath khadi hai. After a long discussion, and conversation with my dad, i decided ki pehle interview dene jate hai, baki ka baad me dkhenge (against my dad's wish). He also gives me confidence by denying to it, agar uunhone mana kar diya to ab pakka karna hai. He has his own reasons, hamesha bacho ko apne pass rakhna chahte hai, kabhi dur nahi bhejna chahte, (for both of us), to darte hai shayad, par maine wahi karna hai jo unhone mana kiy hai. uffff,, after so much of brain stormig, meri frn aur maine milkar chennai me hotel book kiya, near my office, fir bus ticket bhi book ki. Jab insan mentally prepared hota hai to physical preparartions to bas formality ki trah hoti hai. Miane apna sara saman pack kiya, jo bhi jarurat ka tha,apne sare documents rakhe, photocopies, sab pack kiya. Amma appan concerned the ki main kaise akeli jaungi kya karungi, wo bol rhe the bhai ko bulane ko par unko kaise btati ki usse ladai ho rakhi hai, to aine unko iss point se distract karne ke liye uss friend k phone kiya jisne job ka btaya tha, usko bola agar wo bus stand lene aa sake to acha rahega. Bhaisahab ne pehle to mana kar diya (how rude of him) fir baad me bola chal theek hai, mai aa jaunga. Chalo ab sab thoda sorted lag rha tha, amma appa ki bhi pareshani dur ho gayi, Ab bas bacha tha to test and interview clear karna. Saman le kar bus mai baith gayi. Dekho hamra dimag kitna sochta hai na, pehle ye soch kar pareshan thi ki interview k liye jau ya nahi, apna to kara kara baki sabka bhi dimag khrab kar diya, aur ab ye soch kar pareshan thi ki itni discussion aur jaado jehed ke baad mera test aur interview clear nahi hua to mai kya karungi. Hai ram !!!! itna dimag gumane ke baad apni ek purani freind ka dilogue yad aaya, jab kuch samjh na aaye ya kuch bhi tumhare hatho me naho  to tension mat lo, sleep lo, aur fir maine waise hi kiya  aur subh subh chennai pohoch gayi.  Dost ne hotel drop kiya aur ratse me office bhi dikha diya aur btaya ki kisse ja kar milna hai. Ok, mai ready bhi thi upar se complementary breakfast bhi tha. Khush thi mai, pta hai kya, har choti choti cheez se hi life me confidence aata hai, aur mai to uss mode me thi jo kisi bhi cheez ya kahi se bhi confidence le le. Ab office to phoch gayi par ek ajeeb si feeling thi kyuki iss janam me to main isse pehle kabhi kisi office me job k liye nahi gayi thi, bhot ajeeb lag rha tha, upar se weekend tha, pura office khali, HR thi waha par, shayad unko ehsas ho gaya tha mere darr ka to mujhko comfort karne ke liye unhone mujhko chai offer ki aur jyada comfortable na ho jau isiiye test bhi de diya. Mujhko lagta hi ki mai jyada sochti hu par kya karu aisi hi hu aur isi wajah se i was worried ki ye sab kya ho raha hai, sai hai bhi ya nahi, kya hoga ye sab mere dimag me chal rha tha, itna ki chai lover ko chai bhi besawad lag rahi thi. Test dekh kar thoda confidence aaya, ki chalo kuch to aata hai, sab khatam kiya aur HR ne btaya ki "jab iska result aa jaega tab interview hoga. Ek test aur hai jo aap room par se hi kar sakte ho", theek hai bolkar mai wapis hotel aa gayi. 

AB kya karu, fir ek awaj ayi , mere dil ki awaj thi, wo bol raha tha dekh: wai mulayam bistar, mast Ac, zomato, laptop aur internet, bhul gayi tu apna sapna jo M.Tech me apne dosto ko bolti thi, "yaar bas maan kar rha hai ek hotel room book karu, mast Ac chalau aur padi rahu", aaj wo sapna tere samne,  tera intazar kar raha hai, ja aaj usko firse sakar kar le. Saturday tha, maine hotel monday tak book kiya hua tha, ye soch kar monday tak pta chal gya aur ho gya to interview de kar hi wapis chali jaungi (typical but smart baniya). Ab maine movies dekhni shuru ki,  agli bar jab hosh sambhala to pure 2 din ho chuke the. Bas mai, mera laptop ac aur bhar ka khana, full too aish mari, aur pta hi nahi chala ki ye do din kab beet gaye, aur time bhi beet jata agar papa ne daat nahi mari hoti, unhone bola ab to room se nikal kai ho kar aa, to laga sai kha rahe hai. Ab to mere me itna josh tha jaise maine koi jang fatah kar li ho, mera dimag ab dialogue mar rha tha: haiiiii chennai kya ab to mai kahi bhi ja sakti hu, auto book karo aur chale jao, kya hi frk padta hai. Itne confidence ke sath maine uthaya google aur search kiya, places to visit in chennai aur fir man bna kar main marina beach aur kapaleeshwarar temple ghum kar aayi. Beach was so nice, calm, i had pani puri, kya karu bhot chatori hu, pani puri bhot passand hai mujhe. Jab next day bhi kuch pta nahi chala to mai frn ke ghar aa gayi salem me. Test ke baad itna confience tha ki clear to ho jaega ab tha to sirf interview. AB kitne din dost ke pass rehti aur usko pareshan karti, maine apna mann bna liya th banglore jane ka rakhi bhi aa rahi thi. Itne me mere mummy papa ne mil kar mere bhai ko samjhane ki koshish ki, aur wo thoda convince ho gya, rakhi par mujhko apne ghar aane dene ko. To main apna sara saman pack kiya aur banglore aa gayi. Socha agar chennai wali job ka kuch hota hai to theek warna rakhi ke baad apne liye pg dhundu aur job ki talash shuru kar du. Firse hotel book kiya kyuki mere bhai sahab ne sirf 2 ghante ke liye ha ki thi, waha ruku thoda time aur fir rakhi bandh kar wapis chali jau. Shayad jo bhai kar rha tha sai bhi tha aur jaruri bhi, kyuki isne mujhko independent hona sikhaya, kafi kuch sikhne ko mila iski wajah se warna shayad main kabhi itna confidence apne andar la hi nahi pati. Papa abhi bhi iss baat se khafa the ki main kyu is job me interested hu, meri field se bhi alag hai, chennai me bhi hai, still ab mujhko lag rha tha ki me khud ke liye kuch kar sakti hu. Mera test clear hua aur maine wo job join karli. Pata hai intni khus thi ki main pehle hi din apna bevkoof bnwa liya, mera office second flooe pe hai aur first floor wale office me ghuss gayi, maje se ja rahi hu, ek bar dimag me aaya apna office to nahi lag rha, log bhi waise nahi lag rahe, socha tu pagal hai, weekend tha, tune sirf 2 ya 4 logo ko dekha hoga, abhi kaise mil jaenge wo log aur apni dhun me , chere pe badi si muskan le kar chali gayi. Sab log mujhko ghoor bhi rahe the aur admi ne himmat juta kar mujhse puch hi liya, kaha jana hai? Mai samjahdhar , maine bola office (hahhahaha), bolte kause office , fir maine apni company ka naam btaya to unhone bola aap galat floor pe aa gayi hai (ohh my god) jitni badi smile thi pehle mere chere pe ab usse bhi badi majak ban gayi thi, fir socha chod, kisne dekha hai aur waise bi tere office walo ko to nahi pta na, kya hi fark padta hai. To aisa hua mera South India trip, abhi tak i am working for that company, so my south india trip is still on. Jab bhi koi merse ya meri mummy se puchta hai ki chennai kaise job lagi to bas yai bolte hai ghumne gayi thi lag gayi. Even office me bhi sab hairan the, main apne ghar wapis diwali par gayi aur apna baki ka saman le kar aayi. 

In sab experience se yahi seekha, kitna hi plan karlo, kuch bhi karlo hona wai hai jo apko nahi pata, so be ready and prepared always, kabhi bhi kuch bhi ho sakta hai, koi bhi opportunity apke darwaje par dastakhat de sakti hai, Par darwaja khol kar usko welcome to humko hi karna hai. Agar main dar kar job ke liye apply nahi kar rah hoti to pta nahi abhi kha par hoti mai. Ab chennai bhi apna sa lagta hai, different hai, par acha hai. Ab chennai bhi ghar se utna hi dur lagta hai jitna ki banglore. So be positive, be spontaneous aur apne dosto ko kabhi mat bhulo. 

How i planned for South India trip

 

Spontaneous bole to , jo apne aap ho jaye, jisko koi external force ki jarurat na pade. Pta nahi aisa kya hai is duniya me jo apne aap hota hai, i think jo bhi hota hai kisi na kisi force ki wajah se hota hai, pta nahi bohot confusing hai ye sab, ha par apni post graduation ke baad ye zarur seekh liya hai ki life me spontaneous hona bohot jaruri hai, u shloud always be ready for whatever happens. Ready hone se matlab ye nahi hai ki suit wagera pehen ke ready hona, par jo bhi ho rha hai usko accept karna. Apna to life me ek hi funda hai ki chahe kitni bhi planning karlo, par hona wahi hai jo mujhko nahi pta, to plan karke kyu time waste karna. I always wait and see the surprise that god has planned for me. Aise bhot badi bhakt nahi hu mai par ha itna believe karti hu ki koi to hai jo upar baith kar meri life design kar rha hai, hu na drama queen, pehle hi btaya tha (Story: Ek khaab haqiqat sa). See the point is kitni bhi preparation karlo, planning karlo, bhagwan will always be ready with a twist that u never expect to happen. Ha ho sakta hai logo ko bachkana lage, faltu lagge, par bhai sahab itni planning karke apne kya ukhad liya, kya aap aaj wai pe ho jo apne 10 saal pehle socha tha? I am sure u are not, mai bhi nahi, to kyu itna sochna fir. Bachpan itna hasseen aur asan kyu tha, kyuki hum bina soche samjhe cheeje karte the, m ye nahi kha rahi ki jo bhi man me aaye galat ya sahi karo, par ye bol rhi hu ki ek hi cheez k bare me bar bar kyu sochna. Jab hum plan karte hai to sochte hai, jab usko execute karte hai to sochte hai, jab uske loopholes nikalte hai to sochte hai, jab sab apne according nahi hota to sochte hai aur pareshan ho jate hai. Kya faida, sochna hai to kitni achi cheeze hai iss duniya me sochne k liye, jaise ki aaj kya pehnana hai, aaj nahana hai ya nahi, aaj kya khana hai, aaj kha ghumne jana hai, aaj kya aisa nya try karna hai jo pehle nahi kiya (achi cheeze only). 

Pta nahi me hi sirf aisa sochti hu ya fir meri life ke experience ne mujhko ye sikhaya hai, shayad life ne hi. Meri life me bhot kuch aisa hua hai jo maine socha bhi nahi tha, unme se ek hai ye south india trip. Though i like travelling, but aisa nahi hai ki mai bohot ghumti hu,. During my M.Tech ek random din me, jab main apne dosto se baat kar rahi thi, mostly south indians, to ek dost ne btaya ki south india me ye acha hai, dusre ne btaya ki ye acha hai, south india is so beautiful, rasam bhot tasty hota hai, aur pta nahi kya kya. unse baat karte karte mane randomly bla theek hai to M.tech ke baad me ek south india trip plan karungi aur me ye sab jagah ghumungi. Sath hi sath maine apne apko unn logo k ghar bhi invite kar liya. sabo laga majak hai, maine bhi majak majak me bola tha, par pta nahi kyu ye majak har thode dno me repeat hone laga, matlab jab bhi unse baat hoti to wo bolte waise bhi tu aa hi rahi hai hmare ghar tab dekh lena, ya fir jab tu aaegi tab chalenge and all that. Aur dheere dheere mera majak udane lage, sabko chup karane ke liye maine bol diya ki maine ticket bhi kra li hai aur ek random date bol diya, 1august. Ab bol to diya , ab kya karu, mere chehre pe tension dekh kar meri ek frn ko pta chal gya ki maine jhut bola hai, to usne baad me mujhko bola ki mai south india aa jau uske ghar aur fir hum plan karenge ghumne ka. i was relived. chalo koi to hai. Then i called at home aur pta chlta hai ki mera bhai jo banglore me rhta hai wo ghar aaega july end me aur 1st august ka return hai,to maine socha kyu na m iske sath hi ticket kra lu.

 It was our covocation day, sabke parents aaye hue the, aur sabhi ne mujhko unke parents se introduce kraya. As ususal sabne pucha ki aage kya karne ka plan hai, to randomly maine bola ki abhi to koi plan nahi hai as such, fir thoda serious osund karne k liye bola ki mai unke ghar aane wali hu august me,uske baad kuch sochungi. sabke parents the to meri mummy bhi thi wha pe aur unhone mujhse baad me pucha ki ye sab kya chal rha hai. to maine unko sab btaya, fir unhone suggest kiya ki, " waise bhi tu thode din baad ghar aa jaegi, tab sochna kya karna hai, aur  fir august me gum lena south india aur waise bhi job wagera ya aage kya karna hai uske liye banglore se achi jagah kya hogi. I was convinced with her idea aur hu bhi kyu nahi, for the very first time ye sab hone ja rha tha. Ab mummy ne bol to diya par being a mom she was worried ki akele kaise jaegi, isiliye meri mummy ne ghar jate hi bhai ko convince kar liya july end me ghar aane ka aur august me sath banglore jane ka. Mujhko campus me thode din rukna tha to mera bhai campus aaya ghumne ke liye aur hmari ladai ho gayi bure wali. To plan to hai par ab execute kaise hoga pata nahi. Campus me kaam khatam karte karte kafi din ho gaye aur me ghar aayi 26th july ko. Aate hi mujhko bukhar ho gaya aur mere papa ko meri flight ka idea hi nahi tha. on 29th jab papa car book kar rahe the tab maine unko btaya ki m bhi vipin ke sath ja rhi hu, he was shocked and said no, u will not go. i was angry and confused as there are many reasons to cancel my plan. 

1) i was having fever

2) I just came to home

3) No plan after going to my frns place and her family also some mishappening happened. 

4) fight with brother and he said he will not take me to his home in banglore

5)No reason to convince my dad

Then this time my Mom supported me and told, if u wanna go, go now if u will cancel the plan then i dont know whn u will be able to execute it. Before convincing anyone else, i was supposed to convince myself. because, jo bhi decide hoga, it will affect my life only. I asked myself some quetions as u always need expert's advice: 

1) Do i really want this

2) Can having only fever will stop me

3) am i dependent on my brother

And these three questions were sufficient to convince myself. If i am convinced , i believe,i have the power to convince others. After having a long session of self interogation, i convinced my dad using the typical baniya trick. "papa flight ka paisa refund nahi hoga" and it worked, i told him, ki main kuch nahi hua to wapis aa jaungi. I was happy and scared too, aur ho bhi kyu nahi, for the very first time i was going to travel alone to a totally new and unknown place , with a random plan. Airport jane k liye car me baithte hue aisa lag raha tha ki me jung pe ja rahi hu, ek ajeeb sa ehsas ki me kai galat to nahi kar rahi, papa abhi bhi bol rahe hai mat ja, ruk jau kya, ek bari k liye to maan kara li sara saman nikal lu aur bolu nahi jana kai bhi mujhko, me aap logo ke pass hi rahungi, par fir socha nahi aaj ruk gayi to hamesha rukegi and we left for the airport. Bura lag raha tha ghar walo ko chod k jaate hue, Mere sath hamesha aisa hota hai ki mujhko ek taraf ghar wale, ghar ka aram, ghar ka khana aur dusri taraf khud ki khushu, azadi, dhool mitti aur dhake me se kisis ek ko chunna padta hai, aisa nahi hai ki main apne parents ko naraz karke ja rahi thi par chod kar to ja hi rahi thi. par theek hai, ye sawal hamesha mere samne khada hoga aur ek bar soch liya to bas theek hai. For the very first time i booked my hotel room in banglore, bhai k ghar se jyada door nahi tha par still i was feeling weak, shyd fever ki wajah se. we landed in banglore, use baad wo apne ghar aur me apne hotel. Ek ajeeb sa phase tha wo, kyuki kuch samjh hi nahi aa rha tha, kuch mehsoos hi nahi ho rha tha, sab confusion me tha, shyd kyuki me abhi campus se aayi thi aur campus ki duniya bhar se puri alag, aate hi ek random plan pe aa jana, first time aleke rhna, par kuch bhi feel nahi ho rha tha, ha par soch liya tha ki agar jarurat padi to apna haryanvi roop jarur bhar nikal lungi. Hotel me check in karte hue jab bola ki akele ke liye hai to reception pe ajeeb sa reaction diya, par theek hai, mujhko bhi ajeeb hi lag rha tha. i went to the rom, sman bhi rakh diya, mummy ko phn bhi kar diya pohchne ka, next day frn k ghr jana tha, wo bhi baat ho gayi. Ab kya karu, samjh hi nahi aa rha tha. i texted one of my frn, and i can never forget what she told me, i told her about my fear and she replied: " Arey kuch nhi hota, mai kitni bar hotel me akeli rahi hu, aur tu to hmara sher hai, darna kaisa". yaar ye frns bhi kitne ajeeb hote hai na and this girl, we rarely talk par pta nahi jab bhi jarurat hoti hai, we end up helping each other and as always her words did the magic and It helped me a lot. 

Jab m campus me thi, tab apne dosto se mjak karti thi, ki mera sapna hai, ek hotel room book karu aur kuch nahi bas wha ke mulayam gaado (mattress) pe so jau. After talking to my frn, i gained my senses back aur socha ki ye wai sapna to hai jo pura hone ja rha hai, hotel room bhi hai, gadda bhi hai, mausam bhi acha hai, to kyu na sari tension bhula ke iss moment ka mja liya jaye. I kept all my worries in my trolley and took out the fresh cloths, i went to take bath with hot water, i dont know what it was, but this was the perfect bath i can ever have, perfect temperature of water. it was so soothing that i was not able to stop myself. after spending 45 minutes, i finally convinced myself that i will take it again in some time. Pta nahi fever ki wajah se ya kuch aur. After that amazing bath, i was checking my phone and randomly replied to one of my frn's status and i came to know he is also in Bangalore, staying nearby only. It was so random and unplanned, i thought, my life is giving me signals, beta sab unplanned hi hota hai, kuch bhi karlo. We decided to go out for dinner. He shared me one location and i was supposed to reach there in 10 mins. First i went out, saw a panipuri wala, i had it, it was tasty and different, then i went to all possible directions to understand where i have to go, finally, somehow i reached to the location. We went for typical Karnataka dinner. it was so awesome, i was not able to taste everything but still the feeling of having something totally new, old frn in new place, everything was so good. He dropped me to my hotel and after that whatever i promised to myself, i did, again i took bath for some 45 mins. it was so good. Finally i pilled all the pillows, joined both the single beds, packed everything for tomorrow and landed in my bed. I read none novel for 1 hour and then i slept. This was the most feverishly amazing day of my life. I might have cancelled this plan, i might have kept thinking about my worries, then i would not have enjoyed my day like this. So Don't think twice, just do it. This is how i started my south India trip, there is lots to reveal about this trip but yeah the start itself is worth sharing with everyone.    

Ek khaab haqqiqat sa

 

Ek khaab hai jo haqiqat sa lagta hai, pta nahi ki sach m khaab hai ya haqiqiat. Shayad meri kisi khwaish ne usko khaab k roop me dekhne pe majboor kiya hai. Roz aanhe bharti hu uske baare me soch kar, kabhi kabhi baate bhi kar liya karti hu, kafi sapne sanjoye hai uske baare me, uske sath, kai bar itna doob jati hu uske khayalo mein ki pura kissa soch leti hu, aur fir alag alag situation me kaise react krta, ki agar aisa hoga to aisa karte, sath me ghumte, baate karte, sirf battein nahi aur bohot kuch bhi........ Dekha kitna drama bhara hai mere andar, Chahti to m bohot kuch hu, pyar bhi m bohot karti hu, par pta nhi kisse, kaun hai wo, kha hai, hai bhi ya nahi. Ek muraat hai jo maine apne dil mein, dimag me bnai hai. Usme wo sab gunn hai jo mujhko chahiye, jo mujhe passand hai, agar passand nahi bhi hai fir bhi jo mera hai. Shayad meri tadap ne meri khwasiho ko ek roop de diya hai jisko mein soch sakti hu, jisske sath main baaten kar skti hu, jiske sath hass sakti hu, ro sakti hu par usko chu kar mehsoos nahi kar skti. 

Janti hu ye padhne k baad kuch log judge karne wale hai mujhko, bhot log sochenge ki ye meri story h ya meri fantasy hai aur kafi log bechara feel karenge mere liya, sab sai hai, par life me tension nahai hai. 

 

Main ek aaj ke zamane ki ladki hu, bas jamane se thoda dheere chalti hu, apne wajan ki wajah se. Chahti to main bohot kuch hu, sochti uska bhi 10 guna hu par karti uska 0.001% bhi nahi aisa meri maa aur mera bhai ka kahna hai. Jo bhi hu jaisi bhi hu, apni nazaro mein kafi khubsurat hu aur kisi se kam bhi nahi hu. Ya fir apni kamiyo ko andekha karke dikhawa karne ki adat si ho gayi hai, apni ankho ko aur kano ko band kar diya hai taki logo ka majak, unki hassi, unke tanne, meri nakal utarna, mreko dekh ke hairan hona, peeth peeche batten karna ye sab na hi sun saku aur na hi dekh saku. Khud ka majak bnati hu taki sab hass sake aur dusro ko mera majak bnane ka mauka na mile. Bura lagta hai, bohot bura lagta hai jab koi aur majak banata hai. Bachpan mein ek insecurity thi meri dil mein, mujhko lagta tha ki koi mereko ladki kyu samjhega, ya koi mereko chedega kyu, isilye agar koi kuch kahta tha ya chedta tha to main sochti thi ki nahi sari duniya mar gayi hai kya jo wo mereko chedenge ya mere peeche aayega aur fir main jaake unse dosti karne ki koshish karti thi taki wo ye sab na kare aur mere dost ban jaye. Taki wo mera dookh samjh sake aur ye sab band karde. Mujhko lagta tha ki wo ye sab jaanboojh kar, kar rhe hai taki mera majak bna sake. Mujhko pta hai ki wo ye sab jaan bujhkar kar rhe hai kyuki wo bhi jante hai ki m apne bare me kya sochti hu. Meri khud ki soch ki wajah se main chup rehti thi aur kisiko kuch nahi kahti thi. Bas ek khayal ki koi kaise mujh jaisi k peeche pad sakta hai mere dil me sma gya tha. Shayad abhi bhi aisa hi lagta hai. Par ab ek cheez hai jo maine band rakhna chod diya hai aur wo hai mera muhh, har waqt bolti hu, kisise bhi bol leti hu, kuch bhi bol leti hu,kitni der bhi bol leti hu, acha lagta hai,khushi milti hai ya ye mere andar chupi ek choti si ladki ko chupa leta hai. Wo ladki, jisko logo ki attention bohot passand hai, ladki ki tarah sharmana, sajna, sawarna acha lagta hai, ladkiyo ki tarah kapde pehnana, hasna, bolna, chalna acha lagta hai, jisko kisi ladke k chune se kuch kuch hota hai, jisko pasand hai ki koi usko dekhe, uski tareef kare, usse alag mehsoos kraye, wai girlfrend - boyfriend wala relationship, manna ki bacho wali baate hai par kisko acha nahi lagta ki usko koi poore group me usko special attention de, Usko hi nihare ya ye kahu ghurta rahe aur nazre milne pe nazre chura le, usse milne ki koshish kare, usse ghaitya jokes pe bhi hasse, uska sath de, laade bhi ussi se aur pyar bhi usi ko kare. Huhhhhh, btaya na sochti bohot hu aur itni sab khwaisho ko apne andar dafan karke rakhi hu. Ye chupi hui ladki bahar wali ladki se bilkul alag hai. 

Bahar wali ladki ekdum bindass, ekdum bold hai, jo uske man me aata hai wo bolti hai, jisse man aata hai usse bolti hai, ladka ya ladki har koi dost hai, sabka khyal rakhti hai, kuch bhi pehen leti, sabka majak udati hai, jab man kiya , jo man kiya wo karti hai, hardum khush rehti hai ya khush rehne ka dikhawa karti hai. Par jo bhi hai jaisi bhi hai andar ya bahar apni apni jagah sahi hai, khush hai. Bahar wali ladki jab bhi akeli hoti hai to apne andar ki dafan ki hui ladki ko jga deti hai, apni khwaisho ki ek duniya me ghus jati hai, jiski wo rani hai, jis duniya ki wo sabse khubsurat ladki hai, jis duniya mein usko koi judge nahi karta , koi kuch bolta nahi, jis duniya mein sab usko pyar karte hai ya uske diwane hai, usko pana chahte hai, jis duniya me sab free hai. Ajeeb hai par uski duniya hai, aur uski duniya mai koi usko judge nahi karta aur iss duniya me kaun kya kahta hai uuse usko fark nahi padta. Kai bar lagta hai ki m hi itni ajeeb hu ya fir ye sabke sath hota hai. Shayad sabke do roop hote hai, ek jo sabke samne aur ek jo har kisi k samne nahi hota. Bas fark itna hai ki kisi kisi ko wo log miljate hai jinke samne wo apna chupa hua roop bhi dikha sake, jinke samne wo jaise bhi hai andar ya bahar, sab dikha sake. Main bhi wai insan dhundh rhi hu jiske samne mai apna azadi wala roop aur sharmati hui rani wala ropp dono dikha saku, jo main hu, jaisi hu, usko khushi ke sath apna le. Hum sab shayad yahi chahte hai, har koi kahi na kahi apne liye acceptance dhundh rha hai. 

A tall, dark and handsome ladke ki chahat to har kisi ke dil me hoti hai par mere dil main nahi hai, mereko un logo pe vishvas hi nahi hota. Mujhko apne jaise perfectly imperfect log ache lagte hai jinme hazaro kamiya hoti hai. Shayad ache to perfect log bhi lgte hai par janti hu ki wo log mere liye nahi hai ya main unn jaise logo k bare m soch bhi nahi sakti, waise bhi agar kabhi aisa koi mila bhi to shayad main kabhi usko pyar nahi kar paungi kyuki mere dil me usko leke hamesha ek insecurity rahegi. 

Waise jiska khaab dekhti hu aur haqiqqat me badalna chahti hu wo bhi kuch kam nahi hai, thoda lamba hai, pta nahi kyu par mujhko lambe ladke ache lagte hai, thoda sawla bhi hai, jab wo hasta hai to uske chere ki muskurahat se uski masumiyat jhalakti hai, moti aur gehri aanke hai, samundar jaisi, jisme koi bhi doob jaye. Samajhdar hona to bohot jaruri hai, mereko jo sambhalna hai. Kuch to alag hai usme, jitna usko dekhoge utna chahne lagoge. Shakal se jitna masoom dikhta hai, andar se utna hi shararti hai, hai na kitna khaas, jisko bhagwan ne mere liye bnaya hai. Log kahte hai ki shakal aur surat se koi farak nahi padta, jhut hai sab, sirf kahane , sunne aur logo ko sunnane k lye acha lagta hai, asliyat me koi nahi manta, m bhi nahi manti. Ha manna ki agar kabhi chunna hua shakal aur dil ke beech me to dil ko hi chunungi par agar khwaisho ki baat ki jaye to har kisi ki khwaishe khubsurat hi hoti hai. 

jitni lambi list hai meri, usko banane ke liye bhagwan ko kitni mehnat karni padegi, shayad isiliye bnaya hi nahi, agar bnaya bhi hai to uski bhi to list hogi,aur m to uski list me fit nahi aaungi, ye to pakka hai. Par theek hai jo bhi hai, meri story hai to meri hi fantasy matter karti hai, tabhi to nahi pata ye khaab hai ya haqiqat, khaab hi hai shayad, ek sunhara khaab. kitna haseen hai ye sab sochna aur mehsoos karna, uski baaho me lipat kar chain ki ssas lena, bollywood ke purane gaane ganna, usko dekh k muskura dena aur usi ke kande pe sir rakh k rona, apna future discuss karna, usse nazare chupa ke usko niharna, uske hotho pe apne hoth rakh kar zor se kaat lena, itna tight galle lgana hai ki usko saans aani band ho jaye, uski khusbboo me dub jana, jab bhi kuch naya pehnu sabse pehle usko dikhana hai,  pagalpan hai par karna hai ek bar, kisiko apni haad se bhi jyada chahna hai. Aur ye khaab aur haseen tab ho jata hai jab wo bhi usi hadd tak mujhe chahta hai, mere liye utna hu tadapta hia jitna main uske liye tadapti hu, wo bhi chip chipkar mujhko dekhne ki koshish karta hai, mujhe na dhund pane pe tadap uthta hai, jiski ankhe mera intazar karti hai, sabke samne uski nazare mujhpe hi ho, jab wo dekhe mujhe to me sharmau, khud ko aaine me uski nazaro se dekhkar muskurau, apni khushi ko kabu me na kar pau, koi jhijak na ho usse nazare milane me, jisski baate mere lye ho, jo mere andar ki cheepei "rani" ko bahar le aaye, jiske samne mujhe ye sochna na pade ki wo kya sochega, wo bhi mere kareeb aane ka mauka dhunde, janti hu ye school wala pyar hai par shayad kabhi hua nahi isilye ye sab experience karna chahti hu. Chahti hu, wo mujhko peeche se aake zor se pakad le, uske dono hath meri kamar me ho,itna tight ki me chuda na saku aur itna loose ki mujhko dard na ho, uske hoth mere kaano ke sath khelne ki koshish kar rhe ho, uski khushboo aisi ki me saas bhi na le pau aur rha bhi na pau. ye soch kar hi mere shareer me ek ajeeb si lehar daudti hai, janti hu adrenaline rush hota hai, par kya karu, apne apko rok hi nahi pati, ye sab itni baar socha hai maine, itni baar dekha hai ki kabhi kabhi haqqiat sa lagta hai. Ajeeb hai par yahi mera khaab hai.